WHY BOTHER?!?!

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=160 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="012a0643.jpg"> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=435 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="00f64643.jpg"> <div> <B>WHY BOTHER?!?!</B></div> <div>  <A NAME="why_bother"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></div> <div> I've been screaming this at the screen a lot lately.  Mostly at my computer which has blown up on me and dumped the hard drive multiple times this year.  But then it struck me . . . why do I go through all the aggravation of worrying about whether or not my computer gets fixed.  Okay - granted, lifeline to the outside world.  Job search, bill pay, you name it, I do it through the computer.  I can even grocery shop and have a delivery boy show up at my house so I never have to visit a crowded store again.  Oh sure, I could go back to all the old fashioned ways of doing things . . . but the computer is SO much more convenient.</div> <bR> <div> But that's wasn't the nature of my snarling bad attitude when this bad boy took it's latest dive into techno-oblivion.  Nope.  My problem resided in questioning why I bother with my particular fandom obsession at all.  Am I the only one noticing the absolute deplorable amount/quality of Stargate fic out there recently . . . or is it just me?  My absence from the web has been a little enforced of late - thanks to an uncooperative computer and upload software.  But with all that aside - WHERE THE HELL'S ALL THE FIC?  It's like everyone's fallen into the passenger seat and they're all sitting around staring at each other, waiting for the other person to offer something up.  Let me tell ya, the pittance that is being offered up (with very few notable exceptions) is . . . is . . . well, it's bad.  Really, really, BAD.  Brutalization or feminization in the extreme - passed off as "canon behavior" by characters that "speak" to the writers (and I use that term so loosely it flaps) with ridiculous plots.  What happened to my fandom?  Did everyone get graphics programs for Christmas and now all they wanna do is make dirty pictures of Jack & Daniel?  Where'd everybody go?</div> <bR> <div> Lots of my co-cohorts in slash are blaming a disappeared or disheartened muse for not writing.  Real life always intercedes its fetid breath into our living space, but we've been able to write around that before.  It's like within the last six months everyone's migrated away and I'm left standing here on what used to be a  dance floor that now is a funeral parlor lobby.  I've talked to my co-writers and there's no motivation left.  There's no excitement.  No one wants to go to the trouble anymore.  They just want to stand back and watch someone else do the work while they get fat on the spoils.  "I haven't written anything in weeks - I've been too busy reading."  Reading?  Reading what?  "Oh, I started reading XYZ fandom . . ."  Are you still writing?  "No, I've pretty much lost interest."  Why have you lost interest?  "Nobody's writing anything."  Aren't you writing at all?  "No, I've been too busy reading."</div> <bR> <div> Circle.  Vicious.</div> <bR> <div> I'm not gonna bail on my fandom because my "muse" gets frightened because someone in another fandom writes better than I do and 'oh woe is me I can just never measure up to such great talent.'  Pffffffffffffffffffftttttt!!!!  I came to the determination a long time ago that most trained circus animals have more talent than I do - I'm gonna write anyway.  If someone wants to come along for the ride, good!  It's more fun with two - but two's not necessary.  Writing a story is an act of WILL - not necessarily inspiration.  Anyone who ever had to write the dreaded "essay" in English class knows that.  Mr./Ms. Muse has very little to do with it - when I want to write, I sit down and I write.  Muse be damned.  I want a story about J/D and there's nothing being offered, I put myself in front of my computer and I MAKE one.</div> <bR> <div> So why do I even bother?  Why do I stress about not being able to post and not being able to send out regular updates to the people on my list?  Why do I bother with this fandom at all, especially when it looks like we've got a bunch of readers and all the writers have left for what seems to be greener pastures?  Why in the world do I bother when FB is scanty at best?  Why do I keep putting myself out there one story at a time when "She Who is the Bane of the Fandom" floods the fic lists with chapter after chapter after chapter of her horrible, badly conceived, non-testicular tripe?</div> <bR> <div> I'll tell you why.  Because I LOVE J/D slash and I adore writing it and I do it for ME.  I don't write for the feedback and I don't write to make my slash friends happy.  I don't write to see how inventive a sex scene I can conjure up or how many sexual positions I can describe while trying to figure out what can be in the dirtiest sex scene ever written in fandom.  Nope.  I do this for me.  I make wallpapers and illustrations of fics and icons and write stories that are smooshy, or long, or short, or silly because I LIKE it.  I'm not gonna be scared off because one homophobic Executive Producer seems to be intent on alienating nearly half the show's fans by shoving a romance down everyone's throat and/or killing off (AGAIN!) one of the major stars of the show.  Go ahead - I've got seasons 1-5, 7 & 8.  I can write fic off that for decades.</div> <bR> <div> Everyone else can go flutter and coo over the newest portion of the Stargate Franchise (how I HATE that term); I'm gonna stay right here and do my fics involving Jack and Daniel; I'm gonna put them in alternate universes and explore some possibilities; I'm gonna write stuff that I think is incredibly funny (even if no one else does); and I'm gonna maintain my webpage because it's what I like.</div> <bR> <div> If I'm the only one on the planet writing fic about Jack & Daniel in another six months, well so be it.  I bother because it amuses me.  I bother with the technical problems and the time problems and the writer's block because, in the end, it's just plain fun.  Others can bleat like sheep and follow each other around sniffing for the greenest, newest grass; I'm going to stay right here in my little pea patch and just wait for harvest time, thank you.  Because once the harvest comes in, it sure is worth it - and that's why I bother.</div> <bR> <div> As for the crap fic out there, I'll just use it to make fertilizer.  It sure does make my efforts look nice and green and shiny, doesn't it?</div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=45 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="00f64643.jpg"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="161" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 45 ><NOBR><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="39" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" WIDTH="29"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Plotexpo.com"><U><B><IMG SRC="0181d270.jpg" border=0 width="29" height="39" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER WIDTH="15"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="45" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="15" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id41.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="YMMV"><U><B><IMG SRC="017271d0.jpg" border=0 width="39" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id58.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Threads, Moebiuses and Swan Songs"><U><B><IMG SRC="016271d0.jpg" border=0 width="39" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>