Of Sausage Dogs and Flannel Jammies...
Daniel tossed and turned uncomfortably, the pressure of his stomach making him restless as he tried to find sleep.
"What's the matter, hun? Can't sleep?" came the warm male voice beside him.
Daniel felt a strong, possessive arm slide around his chest and give him a little squeeze. He turned his head to see Jack's eyes open slowly and look at him.
"I can't get comfortable," Daniel said with a sigh. "Being like this - it's too . . . too . . ."
"I know," Jack crooned, nuzzling his nose up against Daniel's ear. "Sara got like this during her last month. She was nowhere as big as you are, though."
"What?"
"I mean, c'mon Daniel, face it - you're the size of a house."
"Are you saying I'm . . . I'm fat?"
"Your face is a little rounder," Jack said as he shoved a pillow into Daniel's chest. "Here, take this, grab a blanket and try and get some sleep out in the lazy boy. Maybe it won't be so bad if you're sitting up a little."
"You're kicking me out of bed?"
"I need to get some sleep, babydoll," Jack said with a jaw-cracking yawn. "And we both know I can't do that if you're gonna toss and turn all night. I've got a mission tomorrow."
"Which I can't believe you're going on considering . . ." Daniel waved down at himself as he struggled to rise from the bed, his soft flannel pajama bottoms twisting around his legs and pinching his skin. "Ow."
"Careful," Jack said as he rolled away from the other man and burrowed beneath the covers to reclaim his disturbed sleep.
Finally attaining his footing, Daniel looked angrily down at the still form of his lover. He felt the tears start at the back of his eyes. Even though he'd moved in with Jack after "the incident," he'd never felt more alone in his life. Jack's interest in him waned, his attentions became those of obligation and necessity. On the rare occasions when there was any physical intimacy, Jack teased him about his appearance and condition. With a dejected sniff, Daniel hugged the pillow to his chest and waddled from the room.
After a trip to the bathroom to empty his bladder, he pulled an extra blanket down from the linen closet and made his way downstairs to the tv room where the recliner was located. He closed the door, flipped on the light and eased into the chair. Knowing he wouldn't be getting any sleep, he clicked on the tv and tried watching a documentary about ancient Egypt.
++++
"Daniel!"
Startled from his surprising sleep, Daniel looked around to see where he was. Still in the tv room and Jack was yelling at him from the door. "Yeah? What?"
"Why isn't coffee made?" Jack asked angrily.
"Because I was sleeping?" Daniel threw back, still trying to shake off the remaining cobwebs from his slumber.
"So I have to go without coffee in the mornings now because you can't sleep at night? Set the timer next time!" Jack slammed the door and stomped back up the stairs.
Daniel let out another huge sigh and pulled himself to his feet. Before making his way upstairs, he stopped by the bathroom, again, and then climbed each step as though he were walking the last few feet to the gas chamber.
"Oh, his majesty decides to grace us with his presence, does he?" Jack snarled from the kitchen.
"What do you want for breakfast?" Daniel asked, defeated.
"I don't have time," Jack said in clipped tones. "Seems I overslept the alarm because someone couldn't settle down and get to sleep at a decent hour. So now, I'm going to go on a mission with low blood sugar. I hope you're happy."
"Fine," Daniel said, throwing the frypan into the sink. "Tell you what, I'll just pack my things and leave. Go back to my apartment. It's obvious you don't want me here now that . . . now that . . ." He gulped, feeling the emotion tightening his throat . . . "now that I'm carrying your child, Jack O'Neill! You did this to me," Daniel wept. "I tried to tell you not to touch that altar, but you never listen to me. If Sam had told you, you would have listened to her . . . but then she would have been the one in this condition . . . and that's probably what you wanted all along!" Tears overwhelmed the young, fragile archeologist and he held onto the counter as he cried.
"Oh Precious, I didn't mean it," Jack said, instantly contrite. "I'm just a cranky old bear with a sore head this morning." He walked to where Daniel stood, trembling like a leaf in the wind, and put his arms around the broad shoulders. "You know that's not true, I wouldn't have wanted to do this to Sam. I would have been more careful if it had been her."
"You big meanie!" Daniel shouted, pushing Jack away. "So since it was just me, you didn't really care?"
"I cared that I got laid that night - I just didn't think this would ever happen."
"Darn you, Jack O'Neill, darn you to heck!"
"Daniel, you need to calm down. You're almost due and . . ."
"Oh gosh!" Daniel suddenly gasped, his hands grasping his swollen abdomen. He looked up with eyes pleading for help. "Jack?"
"What? Now?" Jack squeaked.
"I think so," Daniel nodded. "Oh Jack, I'm scared!"
"So am I," Jack said as he helped Daniel toward the door. "You could do something really nasty to the upholstery in my truck."
++++
They managed to get to the infirmary without incident even though Daniel's labor pains were coming quicker each time. Janet Fraiser took one look at Daniel and ordered a delivery room prepared. "How far apart are the contractions?"
"I dunno," Jack said, handing Daniel quickly over to the nurses. "Couple minutes."
"You don't know?" Janet asked. "You weren't timing them?"
"I was more concerned about Daniel breaking his water in the truck," Jack said, hoping Janet would understand the dilemma he'd been in - call a cab or bring Daniel himself. Only Daniel's incessant pleading had made him opt for the more dangerous of the two options.
"You're a horrible man, Jack O'Neill," Janet Fraiser hissed as she walked out of the infirmary to prepare for the birth.
Jack sighed and followed another nurse so that he, too, would be ready to be brought into the room to assist with the birth.
++++
Daniel lay on the birthing bed, legs wide apart, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "Where's Jack?" he begged. "I want to see Jaaaaaaack."
"Right here, right here," Jack said dully, "keep it down." He pulled up a chair close to Daniel and leaned his forearms on the bed. "So. Ready to pop this kid out?"
Daniel looked at him, horrified. "Pop?"
"Yeah, I didn't notice that any nifty birth canal had grown," Jack said. "Janet's gonna probably have to cut ya wide open to get a kid that size out."
"Colonel!" Janet barked from the end of the room. "That is quite enough!"
"Come on, Doc, I'm just trying to lighten the mood a little," Jack said. He turned his eyes back toward Daniel, giving a little shrug. "Sorry, I guess. Shouldn't have said the whole 'pop' thing."
"Jack, I need you to be supportive right now," Daniel said between breaths. "Tell me you care, that we'll be together forever and always . . . that I'm your Precious Cherubim . . . that we'll own a puppy farm one day and raise shitzus . . . tell me about our future like you used to."
Jack considered a moment, his head tilted as he thought. "Um . . . no can do there, Spacemonkey. See, as soon as this is over, you're back in your own place, I get my place back, and you're on your own. Got a hot date with Carter as soon as we get this little ankle biter delivered."
"Jack, no!!" Daniel shrieked. "Don't leave meeeeeeeeeee!"
"Daniel, it's time . . . you have to push," came Janet's firm command.
"No!!!" Daniel said, trying to get up. "No!! I can't! Jack, you can't!!"
"Push, Daniel!"
"No!! Hurts! Jack, help!"
"Do it, Daniel," Jack said, angrily. "I can't wait around here all day."
"No!!!"
"Push!" Janet ordered again.
Daniel tensed his abdomen, took a deep breath . . . and . . . pushed.
++++
"Fuckin' A! Daniel!"
Daniel awoke with a start, nearly falling off the couch in Jack's living room.
"Daniel! Get up and go to the bathroom. Jesus, I felt the tremors from that one all the way in the kitchen."
Daniel sat up slightly, then fell back with a groan as his stomach protested at the pinch created by his belt. "Oh . . . crap."
"Yeah, I don't doubt it. Seriously, get up and go to the bathroom." Jack walked into view and stood looking down at Daniel's prone form. "How many of those sausage dogs did you eat tonight?"
Daniel rubbed his eyes. "I don't know . . . fi . . .six." He rubbed his hand over his slightly bloated midsection. "Give me a hand up."
Jack rolled his eyes and yanked Daniel to his feet then busted up laughing. "You didn't need my help - that was jet propelled." He patted the man gently on the shoulder. "Go - bathroom. You're stinking up the place here."
"Sorry," Daniel chuckled as he made his way through the front room and to the guest bathroom.
Jack went back to cleaning up the kitchen from the barbecue earlier in the day and when he heard the toilet flush for the third time, he pulled down a glass and a packet of AlkaSeltzer. He filled the tumbler with water and dropped the two tablets in with a small splash . . . then began singing quietly, "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner . . . ." As Daniel ambled slowly back into the kitchen, Jack handed him the glass full of fizzing liquid. "This should help a little."
Daniel nodded and drank the mixture down quickly, then let out the loudest burp Jack had ever heard. Both men laughed loudly.
"I heard what you were singing, ya know."
"Sorry. Couldn't help it," Jack smiled.
"Smartass," Daniel grunted.
Jack took the glass while shaking his head. "I have never, in the six years I've known you . . ."
"Seven."
"You were gone for one."
"Whatever," Daniel said, heading to sit down at the table.
"I have never seen you eat that much at one sitting."
"I couldn't help it - it was all so good," Daniel said, putting his head down on his folded arms. "I really do feel like shit."
"It'll get better. You should eat some bread, though. Most of what you had tonight was pretty fatty."
"That's what made it all so good," Daniel said, turning his head so he could look at Jack. "I don't want to eat anything else. I don't think it'd stay down . . .or in."
"Do I need to repaint the bathroom?" Jack snickered.
"Many more trips like that last one and you won't need to bother."
"Burn it right off the wall, huh?" Jack was chuckling louder.
"I'm gonna kill whoever convinced me that those chilies would be a good addition to my sausage dogs."
"That'd be Carter," Jack said. "Got a little ring of fire going on?"
"Hotter coming out than they were going in," Daniel said.
Jack finished up and came over to where Daniel was leaning over the table. "Come on, let's go to bed." He rubbed Daniel's back sympathetically. "I'll even let you sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door."
Daniel stood and followed Jack to the bedroom, helping him turn off the lights and lock the doors.
"By the way," Jack asked as he curled up to Daniel's back and began rubbing soothing circles on his stomach, "what were you dreaming about?"
"Just . . . stupid stuff . . . really stupid."
"You kept yelling 'no,'" Jack whispered as he eased Daniel to sleep.
Daniel gave a little shrug. "It was nothing. There was one really bad part, though."
"What was that?"
"I was wearing Winnie the Pooh flannel pajamas . . . with a flap in back." Daniel laughed as he felt the warm air of Jack's chuckle against his neck.
"Never letting you eat like that again, bud." Jack tightened his grip. "This okay?"
"Yeah, fine," Daniel said, nuzzling down into his pillow. "G'night, Jack. Thanks for a great birthday."
"You're welcome," Jack said simply. He waited until Daniel had just begun to doze before humming quietly in his ear, "I fell in to a burning ring of fire..."
"Jack!"
- finis -
