Journal Entries - Part 2

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=160 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="012a0643.jpg"> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=435 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="00f64643.jpg"> <div> <B>Journal Entries - Part 2</B></div> <div>  <A NAME="journal_entries___part_2"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></div> <div> Something had woken Daniel earlier than he had planned, but he was unsure what it was.  Laying still and listening to the sounds around him, he could hear cars on the street and the noises from surrounding apartments but they were muffled and not bothersome.  He sighed and decided that instead of just rolling over, he would obey his bladder and drag himself to the bathroom.  He smiled as he got out of bed, remembering the night before, Jack's kisses and the feel of his arms.  He remembered the gut wrenchingly honest conversations and the mutual revelations.  He flushed the toilet and turned on the water in the shower to warm up.  While waiting for that, he quickly brushed his teeth.  Once he saw steam coming up in the shower stall, he ducked in under the water and scrubbed himself thoroughly.</div> <bR> <div> Once he'd finished his shower, he grabbed some clothes out of the 'clean clothes' basket and tossed them on - a pare of faded jeans and a ratty old t-shirt with "Megadeath" sprawled across the chest.  He stuffed his feet into his favorite pair of sandals and trundled off to start coffee.  He remembered he hadn't picked up his mail from the day before, so before he paid his daily homage to his favorite plant, he grabbed his mail box key from the ring by the fish tank and yanked opened his front door.  A solid thump on his foot made him look down.  On the stoop was a basket over flowing with gourmet coffees and biscotti.  The noise that had disturbed his sleep now made sense.  He looked for a card and found it taped carefully to the handle of the large basket.  "Mornin'.  Hope you don't mind that it's not flowers or chocolate," was all it said.  Daniel laughed and drug the basket inside, forgetting about his errand to get the mail.  He pawed through the tightly wrapped packs of coffee beans and specially flavored grinds.  One of the bags was wrapped with a gold ribbon and a greeting card carefully tucked underneath.  He opened it and smiled.</div> <bR> <div> On the outside was a cartoon of a man, rumpled, unshaven, robe and boxer shorts half on, scowling frighteningly at the reader.  Above his head in a dialogue balloon were the angry red words, "What the hell are you lookin' at?"  Underneath his feet the word "BEFORE" was written.  He opened the card and laughed as he saw the man was now clean shaven, robe wrapped and tied neatly, hair combed, slippers on the feet, a glowing smile on his face - and a mug of steaming coffee in his hand.  Small hearts flew around his head surrounding the words, "Isn't it a beautiful day?"  Beneath his feet were the words, ". . . and AFTER coffee."  Beneath that was a scrawled "J."  He went to put the card back in the envelope when he saw the message across the back.  "I saw this and had to get it.  By the way, do you realize you tend to smell like a nilla wafer in the mornings?"  Beneath that was a little drawn face blowing a raspberry and yet another "J."  Daniel looked at the bag.  "Light vanilla almond roast," Daniel purred.  "Ohhh Jack," he chuckled, "you are sooooooo trying to seduce me."  He made his way immediately for the coffee grinder.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> Jack had been home for nearly two hours when the phone finally rang.  He looked up at the clock on the wall, noting it was nearly 10:30.  He smiled and grabbed the phone.  "O'Neill."  He was greeted by a loud, long slurp which sent him into a fit of laughter.  "Mornin', Daniel," he said when it was finally quiet.  "Enjoying your morning cup of coffee?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel swallowed, trying not to choke on his own laughter.  "Incredibly kind of you, Colonel.  Thank you."  He took another sip of his coffee.  "I smell like a nilla wafer?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah," Jack said as he continued his way about the house.  "The soap or shampoo you use - I dunno, something.  Kills me every morning.  I always have to go get a cookie if I see you first thing."</div> <bR> <div> "That's a - novel - reaction," Daniel said, bemused.  "And it's this stuff Sam gets me.  Says she likes the 'glow' it puts in my skin.  Whatever that's supposed to mean."  He put down his mug, and yanked open his closet.  "So, what am I dressing for today?  You're not going to make me play hockey are you?"</div> <bR> <div> "Actually, I was thinking," Jack said as he looked in his freezer and grunted, "that maybe we could hit some bookstores, couple music stores.  And I need new underwear."</div> <bR> <div> "You're taking me shopping?" Daniel asked incredulously.  "You?"</div> <bR> <div> "I do shop now and then," Jack said.  "How do you think I got my music collection?"</div> <bR> <div> "TV?"</div> <bR> <div> "Nice," Jack growled but smiled immediately when he heard Daniel giggle.  "So, have you made a pot of every type of coffee in that basket?"</div> <bR> <div> "No, just the preselected one.  Unbelievable, by the way.  I'm not really a fan of light roasting, but it's very good."</div> <div> "So you up for shopping O'Neill style?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah, sounds good."  Daniel reached for a light grey pull over sweater.</div> <bR> <div> "Then there's that new barbeque place that just opened up.  Ferretti says the ribs are fantastic."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel pulled his hand back and instead grabbed a black denim shirt.  "Those thick ribs?"</div> <bR> <div> "Oh yeah."</div> <bR> <div> He closed the door on the dress slacks.  "We are so there."</div> <bR> <div> "So, what - see you in an hour?"</div> <bR> <div> "Less probably.  Is it cold outside?"</div> <bR> <div> "Nah, not bad.  Jacket maybe."</div> <bR> <div> "Okay, I'll see you in a few."  He went to hang up then yanked the phone back.  "Jack!"</div> <bR> <div> He heard Jack bobble the phone.  "Hello?"</div> <bR> <div> "Sorry," Daniel said.  "I just wanted . . ." He shoved his free hand in his pocket, feeling suddenly shy.  "I wanted to tell you - uh - wanted to say.  Just to, you know, let you know, how much all this means to me."  He paused and kicked at the carpet nervously.</div> <bR> <div> "Hurry over," Jack said after a moment, his voice low.</div> <bR> <div> "Be right there," Daniel said, this time hanging up.  He changed quickly, grabbed a jacket and tore out of the house.  He stormed back in, ran to his fish tank, threw in some food and ran out again.  His heart was racing and he tried to calm himself.  The kisses from the night before seemed to lodge themselves in his memory and he tried desperately to concentrate on his driving.  He only ran two red lights on his way over to Jack's.  Fifteen minutes after he'd hung up the phone he was ringing Jack's door bell and waiting for the man to answer.  When Jack pulled the door open Daniel literally caught his breath.  He'd never seen Jack in clothes that actually fit, save his dress blues, but now Jack was wrapped in snug black jeans, black boots and a deep green button up shirt which was actually tucked into the waist of his pants.  "Damn," Daniel finally breathed.</div> <bR> <div> "Hey, glad you're here."  Daniel stepped in and Jack closed the door behind him.  "Let me get my jacket <I>mmmfffph</I>," Jack stammered as he was pushed against the door and thoroughly kissed.  His hands flailed for a moment before finally coming to rest around Daniel's back.  Daniel leaned the full length of his body against Jack, tangling his fingers up into the silky silver hair.  Jack's mouth opened and Daniel darted his tongue forward to flick it over Jack's.  Jack responded tentatively then deepened the kiss as he pulled Daniel firmly against him.</div> <bR> <div> "Damn you, Jack," Daniel hissed between breaths.  "Take things slowly you said," he growled then pushed their mouths together again.  "I've been devastated for years, you sonofabitch, years!  And in one day - one goddamned day, you've got me rolling over and heeling like some lost puppy."  Another crushing kiss.  "And then you open the door and look like <I>that</I> and make me want things that I've never imagined wanting."  Jack was assaulted by another bruising kiss.  "I should kick your ass all the way to Ernest's planet and back."</div> <bR> <div> "I say keep doing what you're doing.   I won't be able to think soon, so you can kick my ass then."  Jack pulled him back for another round of wet, sloppy kisses.  "God you're good at this," he panted.  He looked down between them.  "And I'm obviously quite appreciative of your talents."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel ground his crotch into Jack's, making the other man moan and buck his hips forward.  "I'm quite impressed by you as well," Daniel snarled.</div> <bR> <div> "Daniel, where you been hiding that thing?" Jack said with a sexy laugh.</div> <bR> <div> "I only take it out for special occasions," Daniel whispered and latched onto Jack's earlobe.</div> <bR> <div> "No!" Jack said, struggling.  "Not my ears.  Shit!  Not my ears, Danny!" he yelled, pushing a confused Daniel away from him.  He stood back panting, trying to catch his breath.  "It's my, uh... favorite spot," he said quickly.  "Would have had to change my pants if you kept that up."  Jack tugged at the uncomfortable tightness of his pants.  "Knew I shouldn't wear these."</div> <bR> <div> "Sorry," Daniel said, leaning heavily against the door.  "I saw you and sort of lost it."</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah, noticed that," Jack smirked.  "Didn't mind at all, though."</div> <bR> <div> "Until the ear episode," Daniel said.  He leaned over, hands on knees and tried to steady his breathing.</div> <bR> <div> "Used to be Sarah's secret weapon. She could get me to agree to anything if she nibbled on my ears."  Jack began walking unsteadily down into the living room.  "Don't you dare try that on a mission either."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel laughed and pushed himself away from the door.  Neither man was able to sit down comfortably so they stood - albeit awkwardly.  "You want something to drink?" Jack asked.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel nodded and followed him into the kitchen.  Jack got them both a glass of ice water then leaned back against the counter.  "We're going to end up in bed a lot sooner than we think, aren't we?"</div> <bR> <div> "I get that impression," Daniel said wryly.  "I am sorry, Jack.  I didn't mean to . . ."</div> <bR> <div> "Don't you dare apologize," Jack said, finishing his water and breathing a little easier now that his erection was beginning to diminish.  "Haven't been so flattered since I was 16 years old and Haley Tomberry told me she thought about me every time she took a shower."  He winked at Daniel.  "Haley was a <I>very</I> clean young lady."  Jack closed the distance a little between he and Daniel.  "And don't you ever apologize to me for your sexual nature, Daniel.  I like it.  I want you to be that way around me.  Once, you know, you and I finally get there."</div> <bR> <div> "We just about got there against the door," Daniel smirked.  Daniel ran his hands through his hair and down his face while he turned and walked back into the living room.  "God I want you!"</div> <bR> <div> Jack stood for a moment, smiling, letting the feeling of being wanted again flow over him.  "I, uh, did a little research this morning.  Online."</div> <bR> <div> "Oh," Daniel said, trying to get his raging hormones under control.  "On what?"</div> <bR> <div> "The, um," he gave a slightly embarrassed cough, "whole physical aspect of things - in a consenting atmosphere, ya know?"</div> <bR> <div> "Ah," Daniel said knowingly.  "Yes, well, I'm not sure that porn is probably an accurate representation of what we should expect."</div> <bR> <div> "Wasn't horribly impressed with what I saw," Jack said, "at least, not by watching other guys.  But the thought of doing those things with you - definitely had my interest soaring."</div> <bR> <div> "The ancient classics are quite explicit about same sex relationships," Daniel said, trying to sound conversational.</div> <bR> <div> "Really?" Jack replied, leaning against the dining room table.  "Knew I should have paid more attention to those humanities classes at the academy."</div> <bR> <div> "Academia tends to have a rather broader view of things than the military, not to mention the anthropological research that has been done into same sex relationships in diverse cultures.  Although I haven't <I>personally</I> participated in any field research of that type of various indigenous peoples around the world . . ."</div> <bR> <div> "Daniel."</div> <bR> <div> "Sorry."  Daniel smiled.  "Should we get going?  If we stay here much longer we may. . ."</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah, we just might at that."  They walked to the front door, Jack grabbing his jacket and his keys on the way.</div> <bR> <div> "Can I drive?" Daniel asked teasingly.</div> <bR> <div> Jack tossed him the keys to his brand new truck.  "Sure."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel stared at him and shook his head quickly.  "I didn't mean it."  He tried to hand the keys back to Jack.</div> <bR> <div> Jack merely smiled and walked toward the passenger side of his truck which was parked on the street.  "I did."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel realized that Jack was showing him he meant much more than a simple drive to the mall.  He closed his eyes for a moment and felt another few blocks of that precious foundation slip into place.  He couldn't recall feeling happier in his life than he did at that moment.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> "Jack?" Daniel questioned as the older man looked quickly through the rows of men's underwear.</div> <bR> <div> "Hm?"</div> <bR> <div> "These are designer underwear," Daniel commented.</div> <bR> <div> "Yup," Jack said, finding his size and snagging a few boxes in various colors.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel snatched one of the boxes away and looked wide-eyed at the description.  "Bikini?"  He handed the box back.  "Since when?"</div> <bR> <div> "I don't wear these on missions," Jack said distractedly, moving to another bin.  "Do you know the hell I'd catch from Frazier if she caught me in something like this?  I'd never hear the end of her subtle little jokes.  These are what I wear with my civvies."</div> <bR> <div> "I always took you for a briefs kind of guy," Daniel said.</div> <bR> <div> "Too much material in the butt.  It's why I don't like boxers, either.  Damn, why don't they ever have any white ones?"</div> <bR> <div> "Probably very popular," Daniel said.  He watched Jack pick up two boxes of grey bikini briefs and his mouth went dry.  He licked his lips and tried to control the beating of his heart.</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah, probably," Jack said, glancing around again.  Not seeing any others that he liked, he proceeded to the check stand.  "Let me guess, strictly a tightie-whitie guy?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah, mostly.  Got some boxer briefs that are pretty comfortable."</div> <bR> <div> Jack turned slowly and smiled at Daniel.  "Wearing those now?"</div> <bR> <div> "Uh, no," Daniel said.</div> <bR> <div> Jack's smile faded.  "Oh.  Rats."  He turned and handed over his credit card to the lady behind the counter who looked too bored for words.  She rang up the purchase and handed Jack back his card with the receipt to sign.  In a few minutes they were out of the store and headed back through the mall.  "Meet me over at the music store by the fountain.  I'm gonna go drop this off in the truck and be right back in."  He fished a spare pair of keys from his jacket.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel nodded.  "Okay.  Want me to look for anything while I'm there?"</div> <bR> <div> "Naw.  I don't know what I'm looking for.  Something different.  Be right back."  Jack strode off, his long legs carrying him quickly across the main mall concourse.</div> <bR> <div> "Certainly is a nice sight," came a voice from beside him.  He turned to see a middle aged, grey haired woman watching Jack depart.</div> <bR> <div> "Excuse me?"</div> <bR> <div> "Oh, I'm terribly sorry," she said with a chuckle.  "I was just watching the two of you and I thought you were very sweet.  And while I'm sure you hate to have him leave, you must love to watch him go."  She giggled and held out her hand.  "I'm Maryanne."</div> <bR> <div> "I'm Daniel."  He shook her hand cautiously.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh, sweetie, don't worry.  My brother and his partner look at each other the same way the two of you have been doing since you've been in the store.  You're a relatively new couple, aren't you?"</div> <bR> <div> "Um, actually," Daniel started but Maryanne stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm.</div> <bR> <div> "Don't worry, it's not that obvious if that's what you're concerned about.  I'm just used to seeing it is all.  And you two are very handsome together."  She looked in the direction of Jack's departure.  "He's military, isn't he?"  She shook her head that no response is needed.  "So's my husband.  He's in the Army.  Even when they're out of uniform they're not.  So I understand the awkwardness for you."  She pulled him close and whispered to him quietly.  "Love is a precious and rare thing in this world, Daniel.  Strong and fragile at the same time.  If that's what it is between the two of you, grab it tight with both hands and refuse to let anyone or anything take it away from you.  Including each other."  She pressed a business card into his hand.  "My brother is a counselor specializing in gay couples both in and out of the military.  He's here in town.  If the two of you need some help getting on your feet, or staying there, give him a call."  She patted his face and moved away.  "A precious thing, Daniel.  A very precious thing."  Then, without another word, she toddled away down the isle, leaving a bemused Daniel in her wake.  He looked at the card and tucked it into his back pocket.  With a shake of his head he made his way to the music store.</div> <bR> <div> Jack found him as he browsed the 'alternate' music section.  "Anything good?"</div> <bR> <div> He turned and smiled at Jack.  "Yeah."</div> <div> "What?" Jack asked, looking into the bin where Daniel's fingers were.</div> <bR> <div> "You," Daniel said.</div> <bR> <div> Jack dipped his head and bit his lower lip while the tops of his cheeks colored ever so slightly.  "Flattery will get you anything you want, Daniel."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel laughed and nudged him.  "Actually, I just started looking."</div> <bR> <div> "Well then, I'll just be over here," Jack said, pointing to the classical section.  "I hear Yomama has a new CD out."</div> <bR> <div> "That's Yo-yo-ma, Jack," Daniel corrected automatically.</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah yeah, whatever," Jack said.</div> <bR> <div> They browsed around the store, Jack picking up and reading nearly every CD he came across.  Daniel watched him from across the store; and he watched the other people watching Jack.  The women would blatantly stare, some younger ones putting their heads together and giggling as they leered.  Jack was completely oblivious to it all, in his own world, thinking his own thoughts.  The men seemed to assess him as a rival, the younger one's snickering at what they perceived as Jack's advanced age, the older ones nodding in approval of the cutting line of his body and the straight stature of his back.  A few children wandered passed and looked up at him.  Only those did Jack notice and either grace with a smile or a mischievous wink.  The children would giggle and sneak away, some waving shyly as they left the store.  Daniel felt his heart swell.  He went back to trying to concentrate on music selections.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel finished first and walked over to where Jack was chatting easily with one a man around Jack's age.  ". . . budget meetings and shit.  Be nice to just concentrate on the mission, ya know?" Jack was saying.  He motioned Daniel over.  "Daniel Jackson, Gary Dawson.  We were stationed together for awhile."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel noticed the police badge tucked onto the man's belt.  "Officer," Daniel said, shaking hands.</div> <bR> <div> "Just Gary, thanks," the man laughed.  "Jack was just telling me that the Air Force needs to let him out in the field a little.  Get him away from his office."</div> <bR> <div> Jack's eyes twinkled at Daniel.  "Yes, well, they don't exactly like to let him out in public much," Daniel dead panned and Gary broke into a belly laugh.</div> <bR> <div> "Yep, you're right O'Neill, just like the old days.  Absolutely no respect from the men on your team."  Gary looked around.  "Can't believe they have you flying an accounting desk these days."</div> <bR> <div> "Logistics, Gary.  Logistics," Jack said with a laugh.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh, is that what you're calling it now?" Daniel asked innocently.  He smirked.</div> <bR> <div> "Ha!  He's got your number alright, Jack," Gary snickered.  "And Jack, we live in the same town - can't you buy an old buddy a beer?"</div> <bR> <div> "As soon as I get some free time," Jack said.  Jack and Daniel shook hands with Gary and he moved away with a wave and Jack sighed.  He shook his head and turned his attention back to the music bins.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel waited until Jack's friend was well out of sight and none of the clerks were watching him then pinched Jack on the ass and strolled away.</div> <bR> <div> Jack stared at him as he went and heard Daniel give a little laugh as he went back to searching through the stacks of music.</div> <bR> <div> Later, as they entered the bookstore, Jack pressed closely up against Daniel's back and leaned in to his ear.  "So what was the pinch on the ass for?"</div> <bR> <div> "Just winding you up," Daniel drawled.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel turned a steamy look toward Jack and smiled.  "I'm staying over tonight."</div> <bR> <div> "OH?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel merely nodded and headed toward the "Human Sexuality" section.  Jack gaped at him. "Holy shit," he hissed to himself.</div> <bR> <div> Nearly an hour later, Jack was perched on the edge of a sales bin with a book about Word War II fighter planes in his hands.  He was so engrossed he didn't hear Daniel thanking the woman behind the counter for her help.  He walked up to Jack and looked at him.  "You getting that?"</div> <bR> <div> "Huh?" Jack said, not taking his eyes from the book.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel rolled his eyes and tapped on the underside of the book.  "Are you getting that?" Daniel asked more loudly.</div> <bR> <div> Jack blinked and looked up at him.  "You done?"</div> <bR> <div> "Jack, we've been in here for an hour."</div> <bR> <div> "We have?"  Jack checked his watch.  "Huh.  Look at that."  He flipped the book closed and walked over to the sales clerk.  He set down the book and fished his credit card out of his wallet.  The woman took it from him and smiled up at him shyly.  He gave her a grin back and her eyes widened.  Daniel merely shook his head and watched.  <I>He doesn't even realize what he does to them</I>, Daniel thought to himself as he watched the woman cast little furtive glances at Jack as he looked through the bookmarks and pencils on display at the counter.  When the receipt spit out, he signed it with a flourish and retrieved his card.  The lady bagged his book and handed it to him with another small smile.  "Thank you," Jack said, flashing another megawatt grin.  "And the rest of my order is taken care of?" he asked in a whisper</div> <bR> <div> "Handled," she whispered back.  "And you're very welcome," she said with a small sigh as she watched him leave.</div> <bR> <div> "Hungry?" Jack asked as he and Daniel walked out of the store.</div> <bR> <div> "Most definitely.  Still barbeque ribs?"</div> <bR> <div> "Oh yeah," Jack said.  "What'd you buy?"</div> <bR> <div> "Hm?"</div> <bR> <div> "Books.  What'd you buy?"</div> <bR> <div> "Ah.  Books," Daniel said coyly.  "We probably shouldn't discuss that until we get back to the house."</div> <bR> <div> "Daniel," Jack said, dropping his voice, "did you buy a dirty book?"</div> <bR> <div> "I bought an educational book, Jack.  There's a world of difference between understanding the mechanics and establishing <I>technique</I>."  He gave Jack a decidedly flirty look.  "We've become a couple you know."</div> <bR> <div> "We have?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel fished around in his back pocket and produced the business card.  He briefly related the story of Maryanne and their twilight-zone conversation.  Jack scowled.  "A little pushy, don't you think?"</div> <bR> <div> "She seemed harmless."</div> <bR> <div> "So, are you saying we already need to go into counseling?"  He handed the card back to Daniel as they exited the mall and walked the short distance to the truck.</div> <bR> <div> "I'm just saying that this <I>thing</I> between us has become almost a force of nature and that in the future we might want to talk to someone for a little advice on how to handle some situations that may arise.  That's all," Daniel said carefully.</div> <bR> <div> The words <I>screw that</I> were nearly out of his mouth before Jack bit down on them.  He made a conscious decision to look objectively at what Daniel was saying.  Daniel was merely putting an option for future use out on the table.  He wasn't making an accusation and he wasn't implying anything.  Jack forced himself to keep silent for a minute before he nodded slightly.  "Might come in handy one day," he said quietly.  Daniel stopped dead in his tracks.  </div> <bR> <div> "What?"</div> <bR> <div> "I said it might come in handy one day," Jack repeated.  Daniel looked positively pole-axed.</div> <bR> <div> "Who the hell are you and what have you done with Jack O'Neill?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack stopped and looked at him.  "The one thing I learned while reading that journal of yours was this - I cannot and will not dismiss what you have to say out of hand anymore.  I have said this before and I will say it again - you are usually right, ergo, it might come in handy one day."  He let his features soften a bit.  "I'm trying, Daniel.  This is me <I>trying</I>.  I won't always get it right, so take this one as a free-be and lets go eat."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel fished the keys from his pocket and went to hand them to Jack.  He merely stood by the passenger door.  "I'm not the one driving."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel pushed the button to unlock the truck and Jack climbed in, slinging his purchases behind the back seat.  Daniel climbed in beside him and sat quietly for a minute.  "Is this how it will be on missions?"</div> <bR> <div> "Depends on the situation," Jack said.  "Command is a hard responsibility.  I can't just think about one person out there.  It's balance.  I'm sworn to get my people, all my people, back alive and well.  If something interferes with that, it's my duty to take whatever steps are necessary to re-attain that goal and bring us all home.  I may not have much choice out there but to disregard what you want."  Jack looked down at his hands, rubbing a small nick on his thumb.</div> <bR> <div> "Then I need to remember that," Daniel said just as quietly.  "I can be rather single minded when I want to."</div> <bR> <div> "Really?" Jack asked, just a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  "I hadn't noticed."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel pulled a face and fastened his safety belt over his lap.  "We used to be interested in making friends, not just in obtaining weapons."</div> <bR> <div> "Administrations change," Jack said with a small shrug.  "I can't make the orders, Daniel.  I can only follow them - or leave the program."</div> <bR> <div> "I know," Daniel conceded.  "I think I held you responsible for decisions that were beyond your control.  You and your ideals were compromised time and time again.  And in my opinion, the powers that be made a huge mistake when they did that to you."</div> <bR> <div> "Thanks," Jack said.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel started the truck.  "So I guess I owe you an apology as well."</div> <bR> <div> Jack looked up and gazed out the window.  "Very willingly accepted, Daniel."</div> <bR> <div> As Daniel put the truck in gear and pulled away, he reached over and took Jack's hand in his, lacing their fingers together.  He stroked Jack's thumb gently with his own as they made their way to the restaurant.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> * * *</div> <bR> <div> Jack looked at the plate of food set in front of him.  "Whoa."</div> <bR> <div> "I'm never going to eat all of this," Daniel said as he watched barbeque sauce ooze down the side of the thick ribs in front of him.</div> <bR> <div> "Make a great midnight snack," Jack said as he dove into the mashed potatoes.</div> <bR> <div> "Be a great little pick-me-up for later, when we need to get our strength back."  He looked at Jack from underneath his eyelashes as he leaned over his plate and took a bite of the corn on the cob.</div> <bR> <div> "Will you behave yourself?" Jack whispered.  "I'm trying to eat dinner and it's going to be - difficult - enough in these pants.  They don't need to be any tighter."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel merely smiled and continued eating.  Their waitress brought refills on their drinks and scurried away, casting a long look at Jack as she left.  "Women love the way you look," Daniel smiled.</div> <bR> <div> "Beg pardon?" Jack asked, his mouth covered in sauce.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel laughed at the irony of his statement and Jack's current appearance.  "I've been watching today and women practically swoon when you're around."</div> <bR> <div> "They do not," Jack growled.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh yes - they do."  He motioned with his head to the departing waitress.  "Veritably drooling."</div> <bR> <div> "Well what's not to like?" Jack said with off-handed agreement and resumed his meal.</div> <bR> <div> "Has it always been like this?" Daniel asked.</div> <bR> <div> Jack shrugged slightly.  "A bit maybe."  He smiled at Daniel.  "Jealous?"</div> <bR> <div> "A bit maybe," Daniel answered back.  "Honestly though, I'd like to know."</div> <bR> <div> Jack let out a little grunt and speared through some broccoli.  "I never had trouble getting women if that's what you're asking."</div> <bR> <div> "How many?"</div> <bR> <div> "I don't know," Jack stammered.  "Besides, what's that matter?  I was married, remember?  My dating days pretty much came to an end."</div> <bR> <div> "At least until we went. . ." Daniel reminded him, casting his eyes upward.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh come on!"  Jack leaned over the table.  "One doesn't even count - she tricked me into eating that cake.  And the other one," he explained, looking slightly embarrassed, "the other one I was too drunk and, while there was some nice snuggling, nothing happened."</div> <bR> <div> "You told me later that she'd wanted a child."</div> <bR> <div> "I know," Jack said.  "And she was pretty damn disappointed, too."</div> <bR> <div> "Okay, so before those two, and before you were married - what?  Were you the Air Force lothario?"</div> <bR> <div> "Daniel," Jack said and sat back in frustration.  Daniel merely looked at him calmly and bit into his bread.  "There were a few."  Daniel merely raised an eyebrow.  "Okay!  There were a bunch.  I told you, I'm a <I>big</I> fan."</div> <bR> <div> "Give me a ball park figure," Daniel challenged.</div> <bR> <div> "Why is this important?  It was well over twenty years ago that I met Sarah and once I knew her, I literally had nothing to do with any one else."</div> <bR> <div> "Humor me," Daniel cajoled.</div> <bR> <div> Jack tossed his napkin on the table and leaned back in his chair, running his fork idly through the food on his plate.  "I lost count."</div> <bR> <div> "Well what was the last number you remember?" Daniel pressed.  "Mine is nine."</div> <bR> <div> Jack sighed heavily and looked out the window.  "Seventy six," Jack mumbled.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel's eyebrows nearly went over the top of his head.  "Wow."</div> <bR> <div> "I used to be proud of it," Jack said with a small roll of his shoulders.</div> <bR> <div> "Did you love them all?  Emotionally, I mean?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack took a small bite of bread.  "A few."  He coughed and shoved more food around.  "One or two, maybe . . . a little."</div> <bR> <div> "Conquests?"</div> <bR> <div> "Most of them."  Jack put down his fork and looked squarely at Daniel.  "Why are we having this conversation?"</div> <bR> <div> "Because I wanted to know," Daniel said honestly.  "While I was far from a blushing virgin when I met Shau're, I didn't really feel like I had that much experience sexually.  I guess physical intimacy was never among my top priorities so I never actively pursued it.  I'm just trying to gauge..."</div> <bR> <div> "I'm not going to be disappointed," Jack said softly.  "No matter what you may think, I will not be measuring your prowess against other lovers I've had.  Besides, it wouldn't be a fair comparison.  They were all woman.  You're the first, and may I add, you will be the only man, I've ever been with."</div> <bR> <div> "What about Gary Dawson?" Daniel asked carefully.  "I watch people Jack, it's part of my training.  He was hoping you'd offer more than a beer I think."</div> <bR> <div> "You are certifiable, Jackson, do you know this?  He was in my unit for awhile, that's all."</div> <bR> <div> "Hero worship," Daniel said plainly.</div> <bR> <div> "Huh?"</div> <bR> <div> "Hero worship," Daniel repeated slowly.  "Did he ever offer?"</div> <bR> <div> "We're leaving," Jack said flatly, beginning to stand.</div> <bR> <div> "No we're not.  Sit down," Daniel said firmly.  He watched as Jack slowly lowered himself back into his seat.  "Did he offer?"</div> <bR> <div> "What is it with you today?"</div> <bR> <div> "I want to know about this.  It's important to me.  Can't that be reason enough for you?"  Daniel gave Jack his most honest and open expression.</div> <bR> <div> Jack sighed and yanked his napkin back into his lap.  "Yes."</div> <bR> <div> "Yes to which part?"</div> <bR> <div> "Both."</div> <bR> <div> "Both?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yes it's enough for me.  And . . . yes . . . he offered."  Jack began fussing with his mashed potatoes again.</div> <bR> <div> "What were the circumstances?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack took a mouthful of food and thought for a few minutes.  "We came back from a mission which, may I just say, was completely fucked before we even started. Our commanding officer got killed, so did three others.  Gary was badly wounded but I got him out.  He was rather - grateful."  Jack looked up at Daniel and frowned when he saw the rest of the story was expected.  "Once Gary got out of the hospital, our unit got transferred to start training for the next mission.  I got promoted to Major and so I was in command.  The training itself was as bad as any mission I'd ever been on.  We were gone, away from home for weeks.  Some of the guys were getting pretty antsy.  Gary came to my room one night.  I thought maybe he just wanted to talk.  He offered a favor - I told him no.  He told me the offer was always open and left."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel sat quietly, fussing with his napkin.</div> <bR> <div> Jack swallowed, then took a drink of beer.  "It's different with you, Daniel, you know that.  There are feelings with you," Jack explained softly.  "I don't know how to convince you of that."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel sat forward, folded his hands over his plate and looked at Jack intently.  "I've never been very comfortable with myself.  When I was a kid, I remember that it seemed that one day I just - grew.  I woke up one day and nothing really worked right any more.  There were these long arms and legs everywhere and I couldn't get anything coordinated.  Gangly doesn't even begin to describe it.  My foster parents at that time spent most of the state money on clothes for me because I went from 5'8" to 6' in a little over six months.  I just couldn't quit growing."  He shook his head in amusement.  "And I was so skinny.  Jack, you should have seen me.  I looked like a twig."  He smiled and Jack returned it.  "Once I finally got into college, girls started to notice me, but I was just so unsure of myself physically."  He shrugged and trailed off.  "Women see my face and for some odd reason they just assume that there's all this experience behind it, when the truth is, I may have experience but I don't have much, well. . ."</div> <bR> <div> "Confidence?" Jack supplied.</div> <bR> <div> "Confidence," Daniel agreed.</div> <bR> <div> "We'll work on that," Jack promised.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel ducked his head and went back to his meal.  "I was hoping you'd say something like that."</div> <bR> <div> Jack resumed his eating and Daniel looked up when he felt Jack intertwine their feet and ankles underneath the table. He got a wink in reply.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> - finis -</div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="mailto:claforce@plotexpo.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:claforce@plotexpo.com"><U>Give the author's ego a marshmallow . . . please feed the bear.</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id3_sg1_slash.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Stargate SG1 Slash Fiction"><U>Back to Fic List</U></A>     <A HREF="id2_directory.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Directory Listing"><U>Back to Directory</U></A></div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=45 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="00f64643.jpg"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="161" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 45 ><NOBR><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="39" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" WIDTH="29"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Plotexpo.com"><U><B><IMG SRC="0181d270.jpg" border=0 width="29" height="39" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER WIDTH="15"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="45" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="15" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Journal Entries Part 1"><U><B><IMG SRC="017271d0.jpg" border=0 width="39" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id27.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Journal Entries Part 3"><U><B><IMG SRC="016271d0.jpg" border=0 width="39" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>