Dark Desires

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=160 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="012a0643.jpg"> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=435 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="00f64643.jpg"> <div> <B>Dark Desires</B></div> <div>  <A NAME="dark_desires"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></div> <div> "Jack, where the hell is the report from Sam on Smelly World?" yelled Daniel from Jack's office.  He was lifting papers up and down, peering under stacks that looked as though they hadn't been gone through in months, trying to find any hint of the report he needed.</div> <bR> <div> "Yellow folder, second pile from the right, about halfway down," Jack shouted back from the hall.  He was currently trying to sort through two filing cabinets full of out-dated papers before they were shipped off to the Pentagon.  Daniel had come looking for Sam's report, having mislaid his own.  He knew that despite the clutter in Jack's office, the man knew where every slip of paper was and what it contained.  Jack came back in and grabbed another armful of papers from his nearly empty filing cabinet.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel looked where he had been directed and immediately found the folder.  He grinned triumphantly as he eased it from the stack.  "Smelly World, Daniel?" Jack asked with a smile.</div> <bR> <div> "I thought we agreed we were going to give these places better names," Daniel mumbled as he scanned through the pages.</div> <bR> <div> "You seem to do fine with those numerical designations," Jack commented.</div> <bR> <div> "Doesn't mean I don't make up my own names for them," Daniel said absently.  "Besides, you knew what I was talking about."</div> <bR> <div> "Everyone within fifty light years of that planet would know what we were talking about," Jack grunted as he tossed the armful of paper on the floor in the hall and began sorting through it quickly.  Right, keep - left, shred; simple process for a simple Colonel.  "Whole planet smelled like a skunk got loose."</div> <bR> <div> "Ergo, Smelly World," Daniel smiled.  "Oh, by the way, you owe me twenty bucks."</div> <bR> <div> Jack leaned into the door.  "He did not," he said, his voice incredulous.</div> <bR> <div> "Did."</div> <bR> <div> "No way."</div> <bR> <div> "Oh yeah," Daniel chuckled.  "Right smack on his ass."</div> <bR> <div> "And you saw this when?"</div> <bR> <div> "This afternoon.  In the shower."</div> <bR> <div> "Why the hell does a Marine go and get a <I>//frog//</I> tattooed on his ass?"</div> <bR> <div> "Ahhhh," intoned Daniel, "not just any frog.  'Tis the singing frog from the cartoon."</div> <bR> <div> "Bet he did it for a woman," Jack snarled.  "My wallet's in my desk."</div> <bR> <div> "Where?"</div> <bR> <div> "Top drawer on the left," Jack sighed and went back to sorting his papers.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel chuckled and opened the drawer, finding the thin, leather wallet inside.  He handed it to Jack who pulled out a twenty and handed it to him.  "I gotta get to work on that report for Hammond, Jack," Daniel said, stepping carefully over the mess in the hallway.  "I'll see you later."</div> <bR> <div> "Uh huh," Jack grunted, not really noticing the scholar leave.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> Jack tiredly shut his door, rubbing out the knots in his lower back.  He'd cleaned out every file he had in his office, making sure that the airmen who were sent to assist him packed and bundled each box to the Pentagon neatly and precisely.  Then he'd nearly killed Siler with the cartons of shredding material to be taken away.  Jack chuckled.  He liked Siler.  The man just kept going, no matter what got thrown at him - including Jack's backlog of dated filing.</div> <bR> <div> Jack snooped around his fridge and found nothing that appealed to him for dinner.  He shrugged and went to pick up the phone when he remembered Daniel had taken his last twenty.  Well, pizza was out.  But that Chinese place took credit cards.  With a satisfied sniff he dialed the number and ordered.  Having answered the dinner question, he made his way to his room to change into something loose, warm and suitably scroungy.  There was a game on and he felt the need to power lounge.</div> <bR> <div> By 10:30 that night, Jack was fed, watered and entirely ready for a good night's sleep.  He locked up the house, turning out lights as he went, and finally ended up in the large storage room off the kitchen he'd converted into a home office.  He clicked on his laptop and waited for it to boot up.  He checked his regular e-mail quickly, finding nothing other than spam.  With a small feeling of anticipation, he logged onto another site and waited for the mail icon to appear on the screen.  None did.  With a sigh he quickly signed off and made his way to bed.  He had a long day ahead of him.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> Jack drug himself into the changing room, dumping his belongings in the bottom of his locker and sat down with a heartfelt groan.  Daniel, standing at his own locker, looked down at his friend in concern.  "Jack?"</div> <bR> <div> "Budget meetings all damned day," Jack growled into the hands.</div> <bR> <div> "Sorry to hear that," Daniel said and stifled a yawn.</div> <bR> <div> Jack looked up and winced as though in pain.  "Damn it!" he hissed.</div> <bR> <div> "What?"</div> <bR> <div> "Left my briefcase in my office," he said as he got up.  As he walked past Daniel he patted him on the shoulder.  "See you tomorrow, Daniel.  Have a good night."</div> <bR> <div> "You too," Daniel said as he yanked off his BDU shirt and started working on his pants.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> Jack tugged his work boots from his feet and knocked the grass clippings from the bottom of his jeans.  He looked out over the neatly trimmed expanse of green and smiled.  Inhaling deeply, taking in the smell of spring time and a newly mowed lawn, he smiled as he got into the swing of enjoying the first full Saturday he'd had off in months.  As he walked into the house, he pulled off his sweaty t-shirt and unbuttoned the worn, ragged 501's he'd thrown on for doing the yard.  He sighed as the cooler air of the house hit the top of his exposed groin.  He'd always hated wearing underwear when he did yard work - it was far too hot.  He glanced into the office briefly as he walked through the house and hesitated as he looked at the silent lap top.  As if daring fate to deal him a hand, he grabbed a beer and flicked on the computer, settling himself into the large leather chair at the desk.  Logging onto //<I>Dark Secrets//</I> he waited for his computer to load.  He peeled off his socks and bundled them with his shirt, tossing both the short distance to the washing machine.  They disappeared inside the opening.  "Two," he stated smugly.</div> <bR> <div> A chime drew his attention to his computer and he leaned forward to see that he had one message waiting on the system for him.  He clicked on the icon.</div> <bR> <div> <I>//Thrillu785 says: Hello.  I noticed your profile.  Perhaps you would be interested in mine.  If so, please leave me a message.  I believe we could help one another.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack sat back and considered for a moment whether he should delete the message or respond.  He checked the name once more then entered the profiles section.  Bringing up the specified user description, he began to read in earnest, his eyes going back to the last paragraph again and again.</div> <bR> <div> //<I>"Forceful yet gentle, I know how to please.  I am an expert at keeping my subject on the brink of ecstacy before allowing sweet release.  The only bonds meant to be broken are those in your mind.  I'm waiting for you."</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack put his bare feet up on the desk and contemplated the paragraph in front of him.  He'd had offers before but none of them had piqued his interest like this.  He went back to the message and clicked the symbol to send a reply.</div> <bR> <div> Talk to me.  We'll see if there's something worth investigating.</div> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> "Doctor Jackson," General Hammond said, trying desperately to keep himself from smiling, "are you telling me that not just the Head Magistrate's daughter, but six other of the court ladies proposed marriage?"</div> <bR> <div> "I'm sure this is all quite amusing to everyone," Daniel said as he tried to regain what little dignity he had left, "but the simple fact of the matter is that I made an . . . error . . . in translation."</div> <bR> <div> "That's an understatement," Sam said under her breath.  It was loud enough to be heard by Jack who, despite looking everywhere but at Daniel, snorted out a laugh then sat back and guffawed loudly.  Even Teal'c could not maintain his normally tight control and he, too, began to chuckle softly.</div> <bR> <div> "Doctor?" Hammond asked again, his voice cracking under the strain of refusing his laughter.</div> <bR> <div> "I was trying to convey that I was <I>widowed</I>," Daniel said, enunciating every word carefully, "and I mistakenly said that I was . . . inexperienced."</div> <bR> <div> "You said you were a virgin," Jack teased.  The room filled with barely stifled laughter, causing Daniel to give a small frown.  "General, you should have seen those women - they were like dogs on fresh meat," Jack embellished.</div> <bR> <div> "They nearly stampeded trying to get to him, sir," Sam added.</div> <bR> <div> "The reaction was rather . . . enthusiastic," Daniel said with a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.  Now that they were safely away from the situation, he was beginning to see the humor, albeit grudgingly.</div> <bR> <div> "The women were quite exuberant in their bidding offers for you, DanielJackson," Teal'c teased in his own deep-toned way.</div> <bR> <div> "Bidding?" Hammond asked, raising his eyebrows nearly to the crown of his head.</div> <bR> <div> "Apparently in their culture, sexually pure men – " he began.</div> <bR> <div> "You can't even say the word, can you?" Jack prodded.</div> <bR> <div> "Sexually pure men," Daniel said firmly, "are bid upon as trophies of great pride and value.  For a man to hold himself apart from any intimate contact until marriage denotes high moral discipline and a strict code of honor along with the desire to pursue a place in leadership and industry."</div> <bR> <div> "Not like here," Jack snickered.</div> <bR> <div> "No," Daniel agreed.  "Nothing like here on Earth."</div> <bR> <div> "I see," Hammond said, shaking his head in humor.  "Well apparently the misunderstanding was not bad enough to deter their government from entering into trade negotiations with us.  I'll be sending SG-9 to continue the talks."</div> <bR> <div> "Make sure they check with Daniel first," Jack said, shuffling his papers into the file in front of him, "so he can tell them which word to stay away from."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel shot Jack a lethal look who only returned a teasing smirk.</div> <bR> <div> "Very well then," Hammond said finally, "I am placing SG-1 on three days stand down.  Dismissed people."</div> <bR> <div> "Thank you sir," Jack said, still smiling.  He turned his gaze back toward Daniel.  "You dawg."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel felt his face redden.  "Shut up, Jack," he said with a smile as he left the briefing room.  He heard Jack chuckle softly behind him.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> Jack licked his lips in anticipation as the web page loaded onto his screen.  He quickly signed in and let out a breath as the sound told him he had a message.  He watched as the icon began to flash - almost in time with his heartbeat.  With a click of the mouse, he was being transported to another place; dangerous and forbidding in the same measure it was alluring and seductive.</div> <bR> <div> //<I>Thrillu785 says: What would you like me to talk to you about?  My desire, my need to please you?  I can almost feel the want in your message, the need to retain control even though it is the one thing you want more than anything to give away.  But you can't trust me yet, can't know that I derive pleasure from the giving.  Can't know that I wouldn't - couldn't hurt you.  I want to free you, release you.  I can do that.  You just need to let yourself go.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack sat back, breathing hard.  Six months ago he'd accidentally opened a junk e-mail.  Before he could delete it, he'd begun reading and had gone to this site.  The hunger, raw and painful, had surfaced again and brought him to this place.</div> <bR> <div> He remembered back in his life, returning home from Iraq, trying to find sanity once again.  But he was lost, adrift, beyond scarred from his experience.  One night he'd woken from a dream that was grisly in its images and feelings.  He'd tried to explain to Sara that not once during the four months had he ever lost control.  Not once.  He'd wrapped himself so tight he was to the point of coming unstrung.  He needed to lose control somewhere safe, with someone he trusted.  He'd pleaded with her to understand, to help him through the feelings.  She'd balked, not comprehending what he needed; instead she'd thought that he wanted to live part of his agony over again at her hands.  She'd turned away from him in increments, until there was little passion left between them.  Then Charlie had died and what remained of their marriage dissolved in anger, bitterness and frustration.</div> <bR> <div> He'd been able to bury the need burning within him.  Until recently.  It had flared again when he'd read the e-mail and now he was trapped.  He was being baited into an experience so dangerous, so threatening that his career may well be over the moment he acted on his need.  And still he continued . . . like a moth to the flame.</div> <bR> <div> He clicked the key to respond.</div> <bR> <div> How can you know what I want when I don't know myself?</div> <bR> <div> He hit send before he could rethink his action.  He shut off his mind and let himself sink.  He wished he could tell someone, wished he could find someone to help him battle his way through the morass of thoughts and feelings.  The 'ding' from the computer startled him and he glanced at the screen to see a chat invitation blinking like a beacon.  Almost of its own accord his hand moved to the mouse and accepted the siren's call.</div> <bR> <div>      //<I>Hello?</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Hey</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //I'm surprised you accepted my chat invitation.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      So am I.</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //I'm glad you did.//</I></div> <bR> <div>      I don't know what to say.</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //It's alright.  Don't feel you have to say anything</I>.//</div> <bR> <div>      I've never done this before.</div> <bR> <div> <I>//I can tell.  Try not to be nervous or frightened.  It is not my intention to cause you any harm.//</I></div> <bR> <div>      That's a little hard to believe, considering the site.</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //Not everyone here is looking for that.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      You've done this before?</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //A time or two.  I was in your position once.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Did you find help?</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //Yes.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      So what do we do?  Set up a meeting to talk?</div> <bR> <div> <I>//No.  Not yet.  I want you to be able to trust me.  It's as important for me to have your trust as it is for you.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Are you a man?</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //Yes.  Is that a problem?</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack thought about that, but knew the answer in a moment.  He'd been pondering this very thing for years as it was.</div> <bR> <div>      No, it's not a problem.</div> <bR> <div> <I>     //Are you attracted to men?</I>//</div> <bR> <div> I've had my share of experiences.  I wouldn't use the word attraction.  More like desperation.</div> <bR> <div> <I>//I understand.  Would it be alright if we correspond by e-mail?  I like to talk and the message system on the site doesn't allow much room.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Sure.  020491@hotmail.com</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//Here's mine.  mhbtjo@hotmail.com</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Cryptic.</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//Needs to be.  Do I frighten you?</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      No not really.</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//Good.  I don't want you to be afraid that something bad will happen.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Why did you contact me?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//I had a feeling.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      What sort of feeling?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//That you needed what I could give.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      What's in it for you?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//I don't know if I can put that into words.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Where are you?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//In Colorado, same as you.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack heart thudded for a second before he remembered that what state you were from was a required field in the information database.  He'd left the town blank, however.</div> <bR> <div>      What do you do?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//It's . . . sensitive.  I'd rather not say.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack smiled - he could certainly understand that.</div> <bR> <div>      Are you single?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//Yes.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Do you do this much?</div> <bR> <div> <I>//No.  As I said, I've only done this a couple times before, and once I was the one needing the help.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      What about the other time?</div> <bR> <div> <I>//A friend of mine had gone through a difficult period.  He needed someone to be there for him but he didn't feel he could trust a stranger.  I offered to help.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      So not from the site, then?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//Not directly, no.  Can I ask you what made you come here?</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      I need to lose control, but you knew that already.</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//I sensed it from your profile.  Were you in a bad situation?</I>//</div> <bR> <div> I think I live in a bad situation 24/7.  There's no place to let go; no one there to make sure it's safe if I did.</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//Can you tell me what you're looking for?  Maybe the sort of setting you imagine?</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack contemplated his answer.  He didn't see himself being chained and dominated by some hair-covered, burly, leather-clad biker - of this he was certain.  He was looking for an outlet for the coiled spring in his gut to release; someone strong to stay in command while he had a controlled melt down.  He smiled.  "Good phrase," he said to himself.</div> <bR> <div>      Someone to stay in control while I go into melt down.</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//I understand.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Tell me, in general, what you look like.</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//Average height, reasonably well built, brownish hair, average looks.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      You're not furry are you?</div> <bR> <div>      <I>/No, not furry.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Good to hear.  Why don't I e-mail you first, maybe explain a few things.  I won't give details but you'll get the general idea.  We'll move on from there.</div> <bR> <div>      <I>//That sounds like a good idea.  Enjoy your weekend.</I>//</div> <bR> <div>      Bye.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> In my line of work, I do a lot of traveling.  On one of those trips, I was kidnaped and held for a long time.  During that time I was brutalized - repeatedly.  The people holding me wanted information.  I couldn't give it to them.  I had to keep control, couldn't let myself break.  It was bad.  When I was finally released, I got home to find a wife who didn't understand what I needed.  I had to maintain control just to hold my marriage together.  The counselors I saw tried to help, but they were overworked and under-interested in my particulars.  I ended up tailoring my answers to conform to their needs and time constraints.  Always in control.  What I do for a living demands that people count on me to be 100% - 100% of the time.  No let downs, no weaknesses.  Over the past few years, I haven't exactly been able to live up to the standard and people have gotten hurt as a result.  Some have died.  If this hasn't put you off, then perhaps you can help me.</div> <bR> <div> Jack pressed the send button and watched his request process.  When he received the confirmation that his message had gone through, he shut down the laptop and picked up the phone.  He hit speed dial.</div> <bR> <div> "Daniel Jackson."</div> <bR> <div> "Do the words 'down time' mean anything to you?"</div> <bR> <div> "I just came in to pick up a reference book I needed.  What are you, my mother?"  He could tell Daniel was scowling as he talked.</div> <bR> <div> "I need some help picking up some lumber."</div> <bR> <div> "Oh please, do not ask me to help you be a home-fixer-upper," Daniel begged.</div> <bR> <div> "I need you to help me load up some planks.  Is that so much?"</div> <bR> <div> "No," Daniel sighed.  "I'll see you in a few."</div> <bR> <div> "Thank you," Jack said pointedly.</div> <bR> <div> The line went quiet and Jack shrugged his shoulders as he hung up the phone.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> Jack watched as Daniel steered the long wooden planks into the bed of the truck.  He'd shown up at the house in full weekend attire: grey sweatshirt that was ripped and torn, missing its sleeves; jeans so frayed and worn that it was amazing they stayed on, let alone held together in all the important places; hair that was messy and tousled like he'd gotten out of the shower and hadn't bothered to comb it; dilapidated work boots that had probably seen half the planet by the looks of them.  Jack smiled.  These were the times with Daniel he treasured most.</div> <bR> <div> "Do you date?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel looked at Jack with a face similar to someone having drunk a cup of vinegar.  "What?"</div> <bR> <div> "Date.  Do you date?"</div> <bR> <div> "What sort of stupid question is that?  Of course I date."  Daniel went back to wrestling with the wood.</div> <bR> <div> "Where do you date?" Jack challenged.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel dropped a length of timber and stood up straight, hands on hips.  "Where do I take my dates or where do I find women to date?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yes."</div> <bR> <div> Daniel rubbed his face with his hands and mumbled something in Abydonian.  "There are restaurants in Colorado Springs that do not involve beer drinking, dart throwing, or shooting pool.  I go to those places."  He bent back down to even out the stack at his feet.</div> <bR> <div> "And."</div> <bR> <div> "And?"</div> <bR> <div> "And where do you find these . . . dates?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel mumbled again and kept working.</div> <bR> <div> "Sorry, didn't hear that."</div> <bR> <div> "Online," Daniel snapped.  "I said online."</div> <bR> <div> Jack's eyes grew wide.  "You do cybersex?"</div> <bR> <div> "No, I don't do cybersex!" Daniel yelled and reached up to yank at his hair.  He smiled apologetically at a mother leading a small child past them then jumped out of the truck with a growl.  He stood directly in front of Jack.  "I signed up with a single's group so I could meet people who are . . . outside our profession."  His eyebrows went up in the hopes that Jack would understand.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh!" Jack said, finally getting a clue.  "Outside work.  Gotcha."</div> <bR> <div> "I don't have time to go looking for interesting people to meet and make friends with.  The computer saves me a lot of time and hassle.  Now can we drop this?"</div> <bR> <div> "Does it work?" Jack asked just as Daniel was about to jump back into the bed of the truck.  Daniel grunted and let his foot slam back down to the pavement.</div> <bR> <div> "I've met a couple nice girls, but nothing to write home about."</div> <bR> <div> "So, then, you haven't gotten lucky?"</div> <bR> <div> "Okay, one more time for the hearing impaired among us," Daniel snapped.  "Drop it!"</div> <bR> <div> "I'm just asking," Jack said, slightly hurt.  "I'd tell you."</div> <bR> <div> "The thing is, Jack, when you get lucky, the whole damned universe knows about it and we usually have to call in a hazmat team."</div> <bR> <div> "That's not funny," Jack stated flatly.  Daniel merely snickered and jumped back into the truck.  "And it was only that once."</div> <bR> <div> "Losing battle, Jack.  Give up now while you're behind."</div> <bR> <div> "Bastard," Jack muttered and handed up another length of cedar planking.</div> <bR> <div> "Ass," Daniel countered.</div> <bR> <div> They finished loading the wood in silence and as Jack secured a red tag to the end of the longest plank, he looked briefly up at Daniel.  "So, is it like one of those online chat things?"</div> <bR> <div> "You are just not going to let this go, are you?" Daniel asked, wiping the sweat from his brow with the bottom edge of his sweatshirt.</div> <bR> <div> "I'm just curious," Jack said.</div> <bR> <div> "Alright," Daniel said, giving in.  "It works like this.  You sign up, fill out this huge questionnaire; you post a picture of yourself, and if you want you can go in and record this little video clip of yourself – "</div> <bR> <div> "Did you?"</div> <bR> <div> "No.  Then, you look through the files to see who might be compatible with you, or you let the computer do it for you.  Then you send an e-mail to that person and they can either accept or decline.  If they accept you exchange e-mails, then maybe call.  It's all very efficient."</div> <bR> <div> "How many dates have you gone on?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel jumped down to stand beside the truck.  "Three."</div> <bR> <div> "You've been on three dates and you didn't tell me about <I>any</I> of them?"</div> <bR> <div> "Jack, it was just dinner and a movie.  I didn't see any of them for a second date."</div> <bR> <div> "Well that's sort of a waste," Jack said.</div> <bR> <div> "Beats the hell out of sitting home by myself all the time."  Daniel rubbed at his eye roughly.</div> <bR> <div> "When did you start wearing contacts?"</div> <bR> <div> "The last time you played 'Tim the Toolman' and broke my glasses when you decided to set a cement block on them."</div> <bR> <div> "Ah."  Jack moved to get in the truck.  "You hungry?"</div> <bR> <div> "Extremely."</div> <bR> <div> "This is going to cost me, isn't it?" Jack asked with a wince.</div> <bR> <div> "Oh, you bet your ass," Daniel said as he shuffled around to the passenger side.  "What are you planning on building with all this, anyway?"</div> <bR> <div> "Compost bin," Jack said proudly.</div> <bR> <div> Daniel just looked at his friend pityingly.  "You want that web address?  I think you need it worse than I do."</div> <bR> <div> "No," Jack shot back.  He turned his head when he saw Daniel start to smile.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> <I>//". . . so after we'd gotten the dean's car inside the auditorium, we built this huge brick wall around it, then cemented over that.  They never really knew who was responsible.  He resigned a few months later, anyway.  I guess I should probably stop babbling on, but just remember, you did ask what I was like as a kid in college.  I hope your week is going well and I look forward to your next e-mail.  Take care."</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack was chuckling to himself as he re-read back through parts of the e-mail.  He and the mystery man at the other end of these messages had been exchanging e-mails at least once a week for the last few months.  Jack was becoming comfortable with him, having confided what had brought him to the site first, they had begun to establish a relationship of sorts.  Jack felt ready to take the next step and set up a meeting.  He proposed this earlier, but Thrillu785 had declined, stating that it was still too early.  Jack began to compose his message.</div> <bR> <div> You sound like you were quite a hell raiser back then, buddy.  I'm just wondering if you've settled down a bit since then . . .?  I think it's finally time we met, don't you?  It's been a few months now, and I want to move this forward.  Tell me what you think about next weekend.  I'll be having some time off work and I need . . . I need to do this.  It's time.  Beyond time.  I'll be looking for your answer.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> "So, sir, any big plans for vacation this time?" Carter asked as she slid into a chair opposite O'Neill in the cafeteria.</div> <bR> <div> He looked up from his mashed potatoes and gravy.  "Not getting nabbed by the Asgard would be a good start," he said lightly.</div> <bR> <div> "Going to Minnesota?" she asked as she dove into her own meal.</div> <bR> <div> "Nope, not this year.  Just staying around the area.  Plenty of fish in these waters, I'm sure."  He smirked.</div> <bR> <div> "Yes sir," Sam said with a roll of her eyes.</div> <bR> <div> "Fish?" came Daniel's voice from over Jack's shoulder.  "You headed to Minnesota again?"</div> <bR> <div> "The Colonel's decided to stay in the part of the country that actually has fish," Sam informed him.</div> <bR> <div> "Thank you, Carter," Jack said before shoveling the last of the roast beef into his mouth.  "What about you, Daniel?  Where are you going for your vacation?"</div> <bR> <div> "I thought maybe I'd head to LA, visit some friends, actually," Daniel smiled.  "Been years since I've seen them."</div> <bR> <div> "Carter?" Jack asked.</div> <bR> <div> "Going to visit my brother," Sam said cheerily.  "I think we're doing Disneyland."</div> <bR> <div> "You and Daniel should hook up, hit the Mouse House together," Jack offered.</div> <bR> <div> "Went there last year," Daniel said, "and hated every minute of it."</div> <bR> <div> "You went to Disneyland last year?" Jack asked.</div> <bR> <div> "Over Memorial Day," Daniel said round his mouthful of sandwich.  "You were off-world with the new recruits.  I would have asked you to come with me if you'd been here."</div> <bR> <div> "I love Disneyland," Jack pouted.</div> <bR> <div> "What is Disneyland?" came Teal'c's somber, stoic voice as he set his heavily laden tray down in front of him.</div> <bR> <div> Both Carter and Daniel launched into a drawn out description of the wonders that were Disney while Jack sat back and listened.  Carter was fascinated with all the inner workings of the park and the technology that went into running it; Daniel was disgusted with the lines, the waits and the prices.  Great people watching venue, however.</div> <bR> <div> "So, Daniel, did you go by yourself?" Jack asked.</div> <bR> <div> "No, I met some people I knew," Daniel replied absently before launching into a detailed overview of Pirates of the Caribbean.</div> <bR> <div> Jack pondered the answer and wondered about his enigmatic friend.  Those who didn't know him well assumed that Daniel was a quiet, shy loner with no friends other than those on SG-1.  Jack knew him as a wise-cracking, quick witted friend who had a private life outside the base that involved no one else.  He had friends he went to see, trips he took to have fun, and interests that had nothing to do with ancient cultures, languages or digging in the dirt.  He wondered how many other people knew that Daniel collected hand-made quilts from around the country.  While his ponderings had threatened to become a little melancholy he suddenly felt himself cheered.  He knew about that quilt collection.  He also knew about Daniel's foul mouth, his ability to watch Clint Eastwood movies for hours on end, and the fact that Daniel actually did fart and scratch just like every other guy in existence.  Suddenly, Jack felt quite pleased with himself.</div> <bR> <div> "What are you grinning about?" Daniel asked him, a worried tone in his voice.</div> <bR> <div> "Just thinking," Jack answered as he began to eat his pumpkin pie.  Three sets of worried eyes turned toward him.  "Alright, knock that shit off," he groused and continued to eat.  Chuckles filled the air as Jack's companions turned to the task of wolfing down their lunch.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> Jack turned the card over and over in his hands.  He knew this meant that it was now or never.  He stilled his hands and looked at the simple computer writing once again.  Directions to a place deep in the wilderness of the Colorado Rockies.  He stared at the words.</div> <bR> <div> //<I>By agreeing to this, you relinquish all control over the events to me.  If you aren't serious, if this isn't what you want, please stop now.  You must need this with everything within you for it to work.  I want to help you, but I will not allow you to harm yourself.  If you agree, follow these directions and come alone.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> The directions and a small map followed.  Jack slid the directions into his jacket pocket, picked up his bag and locked the door behind him.  It would take hours to get there and he needed to get moving.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> After three hours of driving and another two of walking, Jack was becoming slightly tired.  As he broke through into a clearing, he saw his destination and sighed.  A small cabin nestled back into the woods by a stream.  There was a fire already going inside, evidenced by the wisps of smoke slipping from the chimney.  The words of the note rattled around in his head.</div> <bR> <div> //<I>You will pack clothes for three days.  Bring warm things to sleep in and clothes that are light and comfortable for the days.  Make sure you have sturdy walking boots.  You will be blindfolded any time I or my associate are present.  My associate will not interact with you in the same way I will.  He is there for our protection.  He will not watch us, nor will he participate.  Once you arrive at the destination, you will sit in the chair on the porch.  You will be blindfolded and lead inside the cabin.  Do not be afraid.  Under no circumstances will you be harmed in any way.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack could feel the long-held control beginning to slip.  A few more steps and it was all taken away.  His mouth was dry with fear and nervous excitement.  He was either making the worst judgment of his life, or he would, at last, find the release he'd needed for so many years.  He strode to the cabin, fighting the urge to look inside.  He stepped carefully up onto the wood deck and turned to sit on the chair.  After a few moments he heard the door open and he fought the urge to turn and look.  He started as a warm, strong hand came to rest on his shoulder.  He closed his eyes as he felt the silky material of the blindfold pass over his face.  He shuddered at the touch.  The hands behind him tied the cloth snugly but comfortably.  Jack opened his eyes but could not see through.  He closed them again and sat quietly.  He felt the man come around to the front and kneel down, placing that warm hand on his thigh.</div> <bR> <div> In a voice barely above a whisper, he began to talk.  "We're glad you came.  You're safe here, completely safe.  At no time will you be in any sort of danger, emotionally or physically.  We've prepared a meal.  Are you hungry?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack merely nodded.</div> <bR> <div> "Alright then, stand up."  The man stood beside Jack, hooking an arm around his waist as he led him toward the door.  "There's a step up just before you go inside," he whispered, placing his booted foot under Jack's and showing him how far up the step was.  Jack stepped into the cabin and the smells of freshly cooked bread and stew wafted over him.  He swallowed and licked his lips.</div> <bR> <div> Another set of hands was taking his other arm and the two men helped Jack sit down at the table.  He felt one hand begin to stroke gently across his shoulders as the whispered words sounded in his ear.  "You may remove the blindfold once you've heard the door close.  Eat as much as you'd like, take time to look around the cabin and familiarize yourself with your surroundings.  Unpack your bags and get settled.  Once you're ready to continue, replace the blindfold and tell us you're done.  We'll come back in at that point.  Do you have any questions?"</div> <bR> <div> "No," Jack said, his voice as quiet as the other man's.</div> <bR> <div> "Enjoy your meal."</div> <bR> <div> Jack waited until he heard the screen door close before he reached up to untie the blindfold.  Thinking he would find a knot, he was surprised when he only found it tied loosely in a bow.  He smiled.  Whoever the men were, they were going out of their way to see to it that he felt safe and non-threatened.  He looked down at the meal in front of him and his stomach grumbled.</div> <bR> <div> He ate, more than he thought he would, going back for seconds and thirds.  The bread was warm and there was butter that tasted like it had been fresh whipped.  When he'd finished eating, he cleaned up quickly and strolled through the cabin.  There was a small bathroom with a shower and toilet, and one bedroom with a large bed made up with clean sheets and blankets.  He opened the closet to find other clothes inside.  They were non-descript, only jeans and plain shirts.  He put his things away and stowed the bag under the bed.  He made use of the bathroom, washed, brushed his teeth, then went back out to the kitchen to sit down.  As instructed, he lifted the blindfold to his eyes and retied it behind him.  With a final, deep breath, he bid his control goodbye and called out that he was ready.</div> <bR> <div> Two sets of footsteps sounded from outside.  One went to clean up the remnants of dinner and the other came to sit beside him.  He recognized the touch on his hand as the first man.  "You understand that the majority of what will happen during these next few days will be sexual," said the whispered voice.  "Not all of it, but most."</div> <bR> <div> "Yes," Jack answered.</div> <bR> <div> "This won't work unless you give yourself over to it, let whatever is in your soul come to the surface.  You are still willing to do that?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yes."</div> <bR> <div> "I won't be participating in what the two of you will be doing.  I am here to make sure that you are safe and protected - both of you.  What happens between you is private.  But I will be around and I'll speak with you now and then.  Don't hold back.  Let yourself go.  Will you promise me you'll do that?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack nodded and let his fingers twine around those in his hand.  He received an answering squeeze and a pat on the back.  There were footsteps, and what Jack thought was the sound of a kiss.  "Okay?" came an asked question and Jack could only assume that a nod had been returned in answer.</div> <bR> <div> After a few minutes of activity in the kitchen, Jack felt a gentle hand urge him to stand.  He did so quietly, then felt fingers lace into his and lead him to what he knew was the bedroom.  His heart began to pound in his chest.  Memories of Iraq flooded back quickly; being blindfolded, raped, brutalized.  He sat heavily on the bed trying to quiet his breathing.  He felt the mattress dip beside him and a warm thigh press against his.  The hand he was holding tightened.  "Tell me," came the soft whisper.</div> <bR> <div> Jack jumped at the sound.  Quiet, soothing, not what he was expecting, the sound of the other man's voice seemed to calm him instantly.  "Iraq," Jack said, his voice, while low, seemed loud and harsh.  "Rape."</div> <bR> <div> "Did you scream?" asked the voice.</div> <bR> <div> Jack shook his head.  "No."</div> <bR> <div> "I want you to remember how you felt when you couldn't scream, can you do that?" asked the man.</div> <bR> <div> "Yes," Jack said, his voice tight with emotion.</div> <bR> <div> "I want you to release that emotion with me, here, tonight.  Let it out.  I know it won't be me you're screaming at.  Will you trust me with this?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack nodded his head jerkily.  He felt hands beginning to unbutton his shirt and he went completely still.  Everything had just gotten terrifyingly real very quickly.  "I won't hurt you," the voice breathed into his ear.  Jack waited while the shirt was removed and then the hands pushed him back until he was lying down comfortably, his back cushioned against thick, soft pillows.  His partner took one hand and lifted it above his head. As Jack felt the padded leather cuff being put around his wrist, he panicked and tried to struggle free.  He was surprised at the quickness and strength of the man holding him down, even more surprised when he felt a second set of hands press him more firmly into the mattress.</div> <bR> <div> "You have to stop," came the first man's quiet voice.  "He won't hurt you."</div> <bR> <div> "This is not what I wanted!" barked Jack as he thrashed determinedly against the men.  He felt his other wrist become secured and he tensed, listening to the heavy breathing around him.  "Let me go!"</div> <bR> <div> "No," replied the man.  Jack felt and heard him stand up and move toward the door.  Moments later he heard the outside door close and booted feet walk slowly away.</div> <bR> <div> Jack lay quietly for a time, marshaling his defenses, assessing the situation.  He could put an end to this - he'd been in situations far worse than this.  He just had to think, get his thoughts under control . . . he pulled himself up short.  Control.  He'd surrendered control when he'd agreed to this, now he was fighting to get it back.  He took a few deep breaths and listened.  He heard the sound of the second man moving around at the foot of the bed, then felt the mattress dip down by his feet.  "I'm afraid.  I want this to stop."</div> <bR> <div> A hand pressed down onto the top of Jack's lower leg and the bed moved as the man scooted closer to Jack's upper body.  "Don't be afraid.  It's not what you think.  Being bound forces you to react differently, feel differently."</div> <bR> <div> "I am fully aware of what being tied up does," growled Jack.</div> <bR> <div> "But you're safe here," said the breathy voice.  "It's not like you experienced before."</div> <bR> <div> Jack yanked forcefully on the restraints and realized he was well and truly fastened.  "So what now?  Some fun with your buddy?  Little gang bang of the victim?  Hmm?  Is that what you call being safe?"</div> <bR> <div> "That's not going to happen," came the reply, a twinge of hurt evident.  "Tell me what set you off."</div> <bR> <div> "Oh, what, now you're going to be my shrink, is that it?  I cannot BELIEVE I was this stupid.  I have done some boneheaded things in my day but this will go down as the worst mistake I EVER made."</div> <bR> <div> "Tell me."</div> <bR> <div> "No!"</div> <bR> <div> "Tell me."</div> <bR> <div> "Fuck you!  Now let me the hell out of this!"  Jack yanked so hard on the harness holding him that the entire cabin shook.</div> <bR> <div> "Tell me," came the persistent, whispered voice again.</div> <bR> <div> Jack heard the sound of someone stepping quickly onto the deck, but the footsteps stopped.  "You both can go straight to hell," Jack said, his voice as low as the other's.</div> <bR> <div> "They tied you up," prompted the man.  "They blindfolded you."</div> <bR> <div> "Kiss off," spat Jack.</div> <bR> <div> "Did they beat you?"</div> <bR> <div> "What do you think?" came the sarcastic reply.</div> <bR> <div> "Until you couldn't fight anymore?"</div> <bR> <div> "I fought," Jack said defensively.</div> <bR> <div> "But you couldn't fight them all off."</div> <bR> <div> "I tried."</div> <bR> <div> "They still won."</div> <bR> <div> "I took some of them with me," Jack hissed.  "Dirty bastards."</div> <bR> <div> "And then they raped you."</div> <bR> <div> "They tried."</div> <bR> <div> "And they came back with more men?"</div> <bR> <div> "I fought for hours."  Jack remembered the stench of the men, the nauseating smell of the cell, the taste of filthy flesh in his mouth.  "God I FOUGHT!  Don't you understand?  I had to fight!"</div> <bR> <div> "And they just kept on."</div> <bR> <div> "They kept at me for days.  Asking me questions, wanting to know things I had no idea about.  They . . ."</div> <bR> <div> "They what?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack shook his head, not wanting to remember, but the memories were there like a movie playing on a screen.  "They wanted to break me," Jack said, his voice distant and quiet.  "I couldn't let them.  It was me against an entire prison, and I couldn't afford to lose."</div> <bR> <div> "What did they do?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack felt his breathing becoming ragged as he relived the past in his mind.  His fists clenched and the muscles in his arms pulled the restraints tight.  "They'd ask me questions," he panted, sweating profusely now, "demand answers.  When I couldn't answer, someone would shove their dick down my throat till he came."  He gagged at the memory, the horrific taste and the sensation of suffocating rolled into one.  "They'd go back to questioning me.  Over and over and over.  I wanted to tell them to stop, beg them. . ."</div> <bR> <div> "Do it."</div> <bR> <div> "What?"</div> <bR> <div> "Beg them to stop."  The man quickly slid down to Jack's legs and fastened his ankles into the restraints waiting there.  "Say now what you couldn't say then."</div> <bR> <div> "Stop it," Jack said weakly.  "I don't want this anymore."</div> <bR> <div> "Louder."</div> <bR> <div> "I'm talking to you."</div> <bR> <div> "You don't have any control in this.  Do as I say."</div> <bR> <div> Jack began to kick at his restraints, grunting and straining to find a way free.  He could hear himself yelling, hear the words coming out of his mouth, but they weren't the words he wanted to say.  He was screaming out in Arabic, begging to be set free.  He felt his consciousness failing him even as his body struggled.</div> <bR> <div> He knew that some length of time passed, but he wasn't sure how much.  His throat was raw and sore, as was his body.  He felt something cool and wet being run over his chest and he needed a drink.  As if reading his mind, the man above him asked, "Would you like something to drink?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yes," Jack said, his voice raspy and dry.  His head was elevated in a strong hand and a straw was placed to his lips.  He was expecting water, so when then tang of a sport drink met his tongue he jerked in surprise then drank quickly.  When he stopped for a breath he could feel the hand move the glass away.  "No, I want more."  The straw was put back and he finished off the liquid.</div> <bR> <div> "How do you feel?"</div> <bR> <div> "Tired," Jack answered softly.  "Sore."  He waited before he finished.  "Relieved."</div> <bR> <div> "I'll start the shower for you and lay out your things."  He felt the man quickly unfasten the cuffs on his feet, then move up and release his hands.  "Once you're in the bathroom, you may remove your blindfold for the night.  I'll come back in the morning."</div> <bR> <div> "You're not staying?" Jack asked, sitting up slowly and rubbing at his shoulders.</div> <bR> <div> "Do you want me to?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack realized he did.  He needed the gentleness this man had to soothe him now that he'd been so exposed.  "I thought we would . . . you know."  Jack nodded back toward the pillows.</div> <bR> <div> "Go have your shower," whispered the man as he helped Jack to his feet and lead him to the door of the bathroom.  "We'll talk more.  I'll let my associate know I'm staying in here tonight."</div> <bR> <div> Jack stepped inside and closed the door.  He tugged the blindfold off and slumped against the small vanity inside.  Raising his head he looked in the mirror.  His eyes were red rimmed, his lips were chapped from where he'd licked them nervously, and he looked like he hadn't slept in months.  But inside a dam had broken and what had been poisoning his system for so long had been excised and cleaned.  He took his shower without thinking any further.  He only wanted to sleep.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> "Are you all right?" came the voice from the shadows.</div> <bR> <div> "I think so." Fingers rubbed tiredly into eyes that had witnessed the pain and agony of a man being tortured from within instead of without.</div> <bR> <div> "Jesus Christ, I had no idea it would be that bad.  I should have stayed in there with you."</div> <bR> <div> "It was fine once I got him fully secured.  Well, not fine - safer physically maybe."  A tired body leaned against the outside wall of the cabin.  "He wants me to stay with him tonight."</div> <bR> <div> "This is not a good idea."</div> <bR> <div> "He needs me.  He's raw and ragged, completely undone.  He needs someone to hold him."</div> <bR> <div> "He'll want more.  Are you ready for that after what you just went through hearing?"</div> <bR> <div> A head nodded in the late evening light.  Just a few more hours and darkness would descend like a blanket.</div> <bR> <div> "All right," came the non-too-happy reply.  "I'll move the camp in close."</div> <bR> <div> "Thank you.  I'm sure I'll be fine but I appreciate you doing that."</div> <bR> <div> "And he wasn't followed.  There's no one around us for at least 20 miles."</div> <bR> <div> "Good.  I was a little concerned about that.  I know he's watched like a hawk."</div> <bR> <div> "He's good.  He slipped under their radar this time."</div> <bR> <div> "I'm glad.  I can't imagine living with this like he has."</div> <bR> <div> "You be careful in there."</div> <bR> <div> "I will."</div> <bR> <div> Jack heard the screen door open and close again and he knew his companion was back with him.  He'd heard the quiet voices outside, knew they were talking about what had transpired.  He smiled as he saw that a new blindfold had replaced the first one.  This one smelled clean and fresh, not sweaty.  He tied it over his eyes and stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt.</div> <bR> <div> "Are you hungry?  I can make you something to eat."</div> <bR> <div> "No, just tired," Jack answered.  "I'm sorry about earlier . . ."</div> <bR> <div> "No apologies," whispered the voice.  "Come on to bed."</div> <bR> <div> Again his hand was taken and he was lead back to the bed.  It was turned down and Jack slid under the covers.  He heard the other man changing for bed then felt him slide in beside him.  A warm hand ran up along Jack's forearm, stroking over the hair gently.</div> <bR> <div> "Tell me what you want."</div> <bR> <div> Jack tried to put into words what he needed, but he couldn't.  He rolled over to face the other man, propping his head up on his hand.  "I don't know, really.  Gentleness maybe?  Acceptance?"</div> <bR> <div> "Love?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack was thrown by how deep the need for that one thing went.  He swallowed and gave a small nod.  "Yes."</div> <bR> <div> "Would you like to be penetrated?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yes."  Jack felt his pulse race.</div> <bR> <div> "Why?"</div> <bR> <div> "I don't want to feel dirty anymore," came Jack's hesitant response.  "Can't I see you?  Look at you?"</div> <bR> <div> The man moved closer until Jack could feel the heat from his body.  "No, not tonight."  Soft fingers stroked down one side of his face while a fingertip traced over his lips.  "Is there someone you care about?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack nodded.</div> <bR> <div> "Do they care for you?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack shrugged.  "We're friends.  I don't think I've made my feelings known, though."</div> <bR> <div> "I want you to think of her tonight."</div> <bR> <div> "Him," Jack corrected softly.</div> <bR> <div> "Him?" queried the slightly surprised voice.  "And he doesn't know you have feelings for him?"</div> <bR> <div> "No.  It wouldn't be right to tell him.  It'd put him in a bad position."</div> <bR> <div> "Do you think he could return those feelings?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack shook his head, a sad smile on his face.  "No, I don't think so."</div> <bR> <div> "Then I want you to think of him tonight."</div> <bR> <div> "That's not exactly fair to you," Jack said.</div> <bR> <div> "We're not here for me.  We're here for you."</div> <bR> <div> "I thought we were here for the both of us.  You to give, me to receive."</div> <bR> <div> "And that's what we're doing."</div> <bR> <div> Jack felt the man's body press against him as an arm went slowly over his waist.  Jack moved closer as well.  He felt warm breath against his mouth and parted his lips in anticipation of a kiss.  When it came, emotion surged through his body and made him inhale sharply.  He wound his arms carefully around the strong chest and pulled the other man closer as he was pushed carefully onto his back.  He felt the warmth of the man's tongue slide wetly into his mouth and he opened himself fully to the advances.  He wasn't sure when he lost his shirt and sweat pants, all he knew was that a warm, willing, infinitely gentle person was tenderly and delicately making love to him in a way he'd never experienced before.  Every time he tried to reciprocate the firm hands would push him back, making it abundantly clear that he was only to receive tonight, not to try and give.</div> <bR> <div> He lay quietly as soft lips kissed a burning trail down his neck and across his chest, stopping to nip and lick at nipples that had received far too little attention in his life.  He surged up into the sensations, receiving a happy groan from the man above him.  Each rib was licked in turn by the wonderfully talented tongue and tiny bites were placed over his stomach.  Just as the lips descended on his navel, Jack spread his legs in invitation for more intimate contact.</div> <bR> <div> "So beautiful," came the whispered endearment, "so strong and perfect."</div> <bR> <div> Jack wanted to refute it, say it wasn't so, pass it off with a silly comment - but more than that he wanted it to be true.  He felt a tongue trace carefully over the scars along his hips and thighs - scars from the beatings and torture he'd undergone.  He felt as though the man was kissing each and every one better, taking away the remnants of pain that haunted him.  As the tongue swirled lower, Jack felt his cock twitch and he let out a small groan of need.  Relief was only a moment away as the warm mouth closed over the head, sucking and nibbling gently before moving down over the thick, straining shaft.  "Oh yeah, right there," he whispered as that lovely, tormenting tongue swept up over his perineum.  Jack lifted his legs, exposing himself fully to his new lover.</div> <bR> <div> He felt the hands that had treated him so kindly all along, move to part his buttocks as far as they were able before the mouth covered the tight opening and began licking and sucking in earnest.  Jack bucked up into the feeling.  In his mind he pictured the blue eyes that he'd come to know so well, and the smile that was so fleeting and rare.  A groan escaped him as his mind leant a face to the body that was taking him to heights he never thought he'd experience again.  When he felt himself breached by slick fingers, he wondered how long he'd been lost in his fantasy world.</div> <bR> <div> The fingers probed deeply, stroking and massaging him until Jack was writhing and begging for more.  Another finger and more lube was added, the ring stretched and relaxed to the point that Jack was sure someone could easily drive a semi-truck up inside him with no problems.  He heard the familiar sounds of a condom being readied then rolled on.  He smiled slightly.</div> <bR> <div> "What?" asked the man.</div> <bR> <div> "If you're doing that one handed, you're a better man than I am."</div> <bR> <div> There was a brief chuckle as the man placed Jack's legs up over his shoulders.  "Just relax.  This might sting a little at first."</div> <bR> <div> "You won't hurt me," Jack said.  He smiled with the certainty.</div> <bR> <div> "No, I won't," came the soft reply.</div> <bR> <div> Jack felt the blunt pressure of the hard cock at his opening.  With a nudge the head slipped inside.  Jack grimaced slightly at the tiny spark of pain that shot through his body, but it was soon replaced by the feeling of connection that being linked physically with another human body brought.  "Go ahead," he said and gave a small shimmy with his hips.  He felt the length of the man's cock as it slowly, so slowly, inched inside him.  He felt a moment of discomfort and placed a hand to the chest above him.  "I think we've hit bottom," Jack panted.</div> <bR> <div> "Okay," came the tight reply.  "Just take a minute to get used to things."</div> <bR> <div> "Feel good?" Jack asked, somewhat pleased with himself.</div> <bR> <div> "So tight and perfect."  The hands he'd come to know so well stroked up and down his thighs.  "Never known anyone like this before."</div> <bR> <div> Jack felt his legs being moved down around the waist of the man over him as he leaned forward.  Jack reached up to embrace him and opened his mouth in welcome the moment lips touched his.  With a soft groan Jack felt the man slide the last few inches inside.  "What are you - buried a mile inside?"</div> <bR> <div> "Feels like it," came the hushed answer.  With slow, easy strokes the man began to move carefully in and out of the body below him.</div> <bR> <div> "Aww god," Jack said, his breath shuddering in his chest.  On every stroke a place inside him was rubbed firmly and Jack angled his hips to maximize the sensation.  "Don't stop," he asked.  "I want you to bring me off like this."</div> <bR> <div> "Think you can last very long?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack shook his head 'no' as wave after wave of sensation crashed through him.  He felt the man shift his weight slightly then reach down between them.  Taking Jack's cock in his palm, he began to stroke in rhythm to his hips, pressing his thumb gently into the head after every few strokes.  He could feel the heat increase all over Jack's body as he worked the older man toward completion.  He smiled into their kisses as Jack writhed and bucked against him.  His hand was wet with pre-cum and he could tell Jack wouldn't last much longer.</div> <bR> <div> "Picture him," he whispered seductively.  "Picture him above you, his cock deep inside you, stroking you slow and strong."</div> <bR> <div> "Fuck yes," Jack gasped.</div> <bR> <div> "Feel him holding you, kissing you," he continued, increasing the strength of his thrusts.</div> <bR> <div> "Yesyesyesyesyes," Jack moaned slowly.</div> <bR> <div> "Can you come?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yes, close . . . so close," Jack said through harsh breaths.</div> <bR> <div> "Say his name when you come.  Tell him."</div> <bR> <div> "Danny," Jack moaned.</div> <bR> <div> "Louder," the man whispered just as he bit down on Jack's neck.</div> <bR> <div> "DANIEL!" Jack cried out as his orgasm overtook him and he clutched at the body over him.  Surge after surge of feeling pounded through Jack's body as his climax was expertly pulled from him by his lover.  Jack felt the body tense for a moment, then settle down against him and he knew that the man who'd brought him so far in so little time had achieved his own orgasm as well.</div> <bR> <div> Jack's last coherent thought was how nice the warm washcloth felt as it traveled over his sensitive body.  Sleep reached out velvet arms to claim him soon after as he was scooped close to the strong and protective man who had sworn not to hurt him.  Jack let himself believe it at last.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> "Well that was unexpected."</div> <bR> <div> The man closed the door quietly behind him and padded out into the night on bare feet.  "Very."</div> <bR> <div> "He hadn't said anything in his e-mails?"</div> <bR> <div> "Just that he wasn't averse to another man, that was all."</div> <bR> <div> "You alright?"</div> <bR> <div> "Physically, yeah, I'm great."  His smile was bright in the moonlight.  "I'm a little thrown by what I'm feeling though."</div> <bR> <div> "Shocked?"</div> <bR> <div> "By?"</div> <bR> <div> "Him."</div> <bR> <div> "I think so."</div> <bR> <div> "Is it a problem?"</div> <bR> <div> "No," he said confidently.  "But I think we should probably wind this up tomorrow instead of the day after.  Give him time to process, gather himself back together."</div> <bR> <div> "Your call."  He started to walk away to the small tent pitched not far from the back of the cabin.  "Keep quiet for the rest of the night, would ya?  I want to get some sleep."</div> <bR> <div> With a quiet laugh the man re-entered the cabin.</div> <bR> <div> ++++</div> <bR> <div> When Jack awoke the next morning he was alone.  His arm reached out to feel the other side of the bed and discovered it was still warm from body heat.  His blindfold had been removed some time during the night.  He saw the note on the small bedside table and read it with a smile.</div> <bR> <div> //<I>Good morning.  I know yesterday was very difficult for you, but I think it was worth the trouble.  I've laid on breakfast and there are clean clothes in the bathroom.  A path has been marked that leads to a lake.  I thought you'd appreciate a walk to gather your thoughts and decide what happens from here.  I'll be waiting when you get back.  My associate will accompany you from a distance to make sure you are safe.  Enjoy your walk.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> Jack showered and dressed quickly then sat down to a breakfast of french toast and bacon, scrambled eggs, juice and coffee.  He put the dishes in the sink and tied his hiking boots tighter before stepping outside.  He saw the first orange marker on a tree to his left and the marked path before him.  He began walking, noting that the trail wound around interesting spots full of flowers and plants.  After nearly an hour, he came to a stop at the end of the trail and stood looking out over a small but pristine lake below him.  There was a well traveled path to the shore and he scampered down to sit at the edge.  He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of nature around him.  He smiled when the smallest noise broke the quiet.  "Making sure no bears eat me?"</div> <bR> <div> A low chuckle sounded from just beyond a hedge of bushes.  "Just keeping an eye."</div> <bR> <div> "Really, I'm okay out here.  You don't need to keep watch."</div> <bR> <div> "All part of the service.  I'll back off a ways though; let you have some privacy."</div> <bR> <div> Jack heard the man move away.  He stood and made his way to a large rock with a flat top that stuck out over the water.  Climbing up to the top he sat down stiffly, enjoying the feeling in his body of a night of loving.  His thoughts skipped aimlessly through the things in his life that he was here to settle.  His past, his failures - his emotions.  Last night he'd finally come to terms with his feelings for his teammate and friend.  He wondered if saying something would be the wrong thing to do.  Conversely, he wondered if not saying anything was fair.  Back and forth he pondered, wondering, weighing, thinking.</div> <bR> <div> He didn't know when he woke up, just that the sun was high over head and he had to pee.  He scampered down from the rock and found a convenient spot, then emptied his bladder.  On the way back to the cabin, he determined that there was nothing more this place could offer him and he knew it was time for him to head home.  He walked into the cabin carefully and looked around.</div> <bR> <div> "Hello?"  There was no answer.  He moved to the bedroom and was surprised to find his bag already packed.</div> <bR> <div> Yet another note was balanced on the top of the duffle.  He read it carefully.</div> <bR> <div> <I>//Thank you for the honor of allowing me to help you.  You helped me as well.</I>//</div> <bR> <div> "He's waiting for you outside," came a strong male voice from behind him.</div> <bR> <div> Jack spun, surprised, and his stomach dropped to his feet.  "Coburn?"</div> <bR> <div> "Yeah," came the slightly embarrassed acknowledgment.  He saw Jack go pale.  "Don't you <I>even</I> think this has been some sick setup, Jack.  It hasn't.  This has all been completely honest from the very start.  You trusted us before you knew - we need you to trust us now."</div> <bR> <div> "Who's us?" Jack demanded, fighting the shame and humiliation that was welling up inside him.</div> <bR> <div> "Listen to me," said the Major as he stepped close.  "I started that web site because it was something <I>I</I> needed.  People that don't do what we do, who haven't been through what we have, they don't understand.  Sometimes, you just need a safe haven, a place to let go.  Sometimes you need more.  I know.  I've been there."</div> <bR> <div> Jack swallowed hard and looked away.  "You've pretty much got me by the short-n-curlies here, Major."</div> <bR> <div> "There's no rank here, Jack," Coburn said quietly.  He put his arm on Jack's shoulder and gave a small squeeze.  "Just brothers in arms."</div> <bR> <div> Jack looked down at that hand - the hand that had started it all yesterday.  He felt the tension ease from his gut and melt into nothingness.  He finally looked up into the eyes of a man he knew - and trusted.  With a nod he signaled that everything was alright and received a grateful smile in return.  "I'm gonna head back," he said.  "Give me a few minutes to get some distance then go on outside."</div> <bR> <div> Jack nodded.  "I guess I owe you a 'thank you' at least."</div> <bR> <div> "That's what we're here for."  He hugged Jack briefly then strode from the cabin.</div> <bR> <div> Jack waited a few minutes then walked to the door.  He noticed that everything had been packed up - the pots, pans, dishes; everything he'd first seen when he walked in was now no where in sight.  He sighed, gathered up his things and walked out of the cabin, pulling the door closed as he went.  When he lifted his eyes to look beside him, his heart nearly flew out of his chest.</div> <bR> <div> "Jack."</div> <bR> <div> "Daniel."  Jack dropped his bag and shoved his hands deep in his pockets.</div> <bR> <div> "I probably owe you an explanation."</div> <bR> <div> "Oh, at the very least."</div> <bR> <div> "Remember that day I won that bet and you had to give me twenty dollars?"  Daniel took a tentative step toward Jack.  "You were cleaning out your files."</div> <bR> <div> "Ah," Jack said and nodded.</div> <bR> <div> "When you opened your wallet, I saw the card from the website.  Well, more exactly, I saw the logo on a card in your wallet and I recognized the site."  He took another cautious step.  "I spent the whole night trying to find your profile.  That's why I was so tired the next day.  I didn't get any sleep."</div> <bR> <div> "How did you know which profile was mine?" Jack asked.  He was confused and unsure of what was going on.</div> <bR> <div> "Just a feeling."</div> <bR> <div> "So you said."</div> <bR> <div> "I didn't mean to deceive you.  If I had, I certainly wouldn't be standing here now having this conversation."</div> <bR> <div> "I take it Coburn and you have been through a similar situation?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel nodded.  "After Shau're . . . was killed."  He took the final step that brought him close to Jack.  "I thought I needed to be punished.  He showed me what I needed was forgiveness.  He's a pretty sharp guy like that."</div> <bR> <div> "And last night?"  Jack stared daggers at the man he thought he knew.</div> <bR> <div> "Last night was for you, Jack.  I didn't know you had feelings for me.  I thought it was Sam."</div> <bR> <div> Jack snorted in derision.</div> <bR> <div> "I swear I didn't know, Jack.  All you said was that you weren't averse to being with another man.  You didn't give any hints that you cared about me."</div> <bR> <div> "And now that you know?"  Jack couldn't look at Daniel, couldn't bear to look in his eyes when he said they could 'still be friends.'</div> <bR> <div> "You know what I considered doing this morning when I woke up?"  Daniel stepped down off the deck and began pacing.  "I wanted to call Hammond and tell him to find someone else to save the universe for awhile because I wasn't coming back.  I had everything I wanted and he was laying in bed next to me."</div> <bR> <div> Jack kicked absently at a rock that had gotten lodged in between the boards of the deck.  "Even after everything . . . last night?"</div> <bR> <div> "Especially after last night," Daniel said emphatically.  "God, what you went through, what you survived . . . I couldn't have done that.  And look at you - who you are - what you do.  Jack, do you actually think that the details I know now would make you any less in my eyes, would change the way I feel?"</div> <bR> <div> Jack didn't know what to say, barely knew what to think.  "What do you feel?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel walked up to Jack and looked at him closely, his eyes sparkling with emotion.  "I've been in love with you since that first trip to Abydos.  I just didn't know what to do.  I've never been in love with another man."</div> <bR> <div> "Could have fooled me," Jack smiled sadly.</div> <bR> <div> "I've had sex, Jack.  I've never been in love with them.  Last night, when you said it was me - when you called my name . . ." He let the sentence fade.  "None of this is a joke.  None of this was meant to embarrass you.  I honestly wanted to help you; I wanted to be close to you, even for a little while.  It's why we kept our voices at a whisper, so you wouldn't recognize us and shut down.  God, Jack, I did this because I care."</div> <bR> <div> Jack looked up into the most honest and sincere eyes he'd ever seen in his life.  Not even Sara had been this honest with him all those years ago.  Jack let the last of his fear and doubt fall away as he took Daniel into his arms and held him.</div> <bR> <div> "Jack?"</div> <bR> <div> "Let's go home," Jack whispered into the warm neck.  "We've got some things to figure out."</div> <bR> <div> "Like what?" Daniel asked, holding on tight to the man in his arms.</div> <bR> <div> "Like where the bookshelves for all those dusty old tomes of yours are going to go."</div> <bR> <div> "You're not going to build them, are you?" Daniel asked, rather alarmed.</div> <bR> <div> "No, I'll be too busy getting in touch with my emotions - and my archeologist," Jack said, closing his mouth over Daniel's.</div> <bR> <div> "Mmmfff 'ck," Daniel said around the kiss, "Jack!"</div> <bR> <div> "What?"</div> <bR> <div> "What's your e-mail address stand for?"</div> <bR> <div> "You want to know this <I>now</I>," Jack asked, incredulous.</div> <bR> <div> "I've wanted to know for months.  I mean, it's obvious it's a date of some sort."</div> <bR> <div> "It's the date I was captured in Iraq," Jack answered plainly.  He saw Daniel look away and knew he was sorry he'd asked.  "Hey, it's okay."  He nudged his nose into Daniel's hair.  "What about yours?"</div> <bR> <div> Daniel pushed away from Jack and picked up his backpack as he started walking.  "My Heart Belongs To Jack O'Neill," he said slowly.  "M H B T J O at hotmail dot com."</div> <bR> <div> Jack laughed quietly and followed Daniel to the path that lead back to Jack's truck.  "Even then you were trying to tell me your secret," Jack smiled.</div> <bR> <div> "You just weren't quite ready to hear me yet," Daniel smiled.  Side by side they walked back to the lives and people who knew them; but not as well as they now knew each other.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> - finis -</div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="mailto:claforce@plotexpo.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:claforce@plotexpo.com"><U>Give the author's ego a marshmallow . . . please feed the bear.</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id3_sg1_slash.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Stargate SG1 Slash Fiction"><U>Back to Fic List</U></A>     <A HREF="id2_directory.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Directory Listing"><U>Back to Directory</U></A></div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=45 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="00f64643.jpg"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="161" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 45 ><NOBR><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="39" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" WIDTH="29"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Plotexpo.com"><U><B><IMG SRC="0181d270.jpg" border=0 width="29" height="39" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER WIDTH="15"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="45" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="15" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id22.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What are Friends For?"><U><B><IMG SRC="017271d0.jpg" border=0 width="39" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Yard Work"><U><B><IMG SRC="016271d0.jpg" border=0 width="39" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>