Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? • You been out ridin' fences for so long now • Oh, you're a hard one • But I know that you got your reasons • These things that are pleasin' you • Can hurt you somehow

"The Air Force doesn't stop for holidays, Daniel," Jack said as he finished cramming the last of his gear into his already over-stuff field pack. Daniel cringed when he saw that it was another two pair of heavy duty wool socks.

"I just don't see why they have to send people for training missions off-world over the holiday season," Daniel spat with no little disgust in his voice. He tugged his new sheepskin coat on. "Cassie will be disappointed."

"As you've been pointing out, Christmas is a time for people to be together. The only other men qualified to do this training are Majors Smithson and Dalton - and both of them have families. Dalton and his wife just had a baby." Jack sat down and began to re-lace his boots. "I don't have a family."

"While I appreciate the sentiment, Daniel," Jack said as he stood and lifted his pack over his shoulders, jostling it into position, "it's not the same thing." He fastened the locking clips around his chest and waist, grabbed his helmet and headed toward the gear-up room exit door. "I'll see you in a week."

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy • She'll beat you if she's able • You know the queen of heats is always your best bet • Now it seems to me some fine things • Have been laid upon your table • But you only want the ones that you can't get

Jack turned his collar up against the cold wind that was howling across the top of the cliff and watched as the recruits below him in the shallow valley went through their paces. It would be some minutes before they emerged into the next part of the testing and Jack allowed his mind to wander back to the conversation he'd had with Daniel before leaving for this most recent training mission. There was a two-fold purpose for being here. First, it was a mineralogical dream come true. Gold, silver, platinum, trinium, naquada - you name it, it was here in spades. Currently SG_11, SG-7 and SG-3 were off scrubbing in the dirt like happy gophers, oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over all the wonders this place had to offer.

The conspicuous absence of one Major Samantha Carter annoyed him. Not that he missed her in that way. He snorted at the thought. Half the base thought they were doing the deed and he'd let them all have their little fantasy. She'd requested time off for the holidays and she and her father were currently sipping eggnog and singing Christmas carols in San Diego with the rest of their family. Jack's jaw clenched. If Carter had been able to request time off, why hadn't he? He knew if it came down to it, he could have gotten this whole mission scrubbed. It would have taken some doing, some well placed whining, a little needling, but he knew he could have gotten Hammond to postpone this until after the first of the year. So why hadn't he? The answer was simple.

Jack felt his stomach flip at the thought of the man as he'd stood, decked out in that oh-so-handsome coat he'd recently purchased, a thick dark shirt over a white turtle neck, and snug jeans finished off by the new hiking boots he'd also recently bought. He'd thought his dick would leap straight out of his fly just from looking at the man. And Daniel was the reason he'd volunteered for this mission - rather, his feelings for Daniel.

Christmas last year had been jovial, fun, everyone staying together in Colorado Springs. During the weeks before Christmas, each of them had made a point of getting together with the others of the team, pairing up, going shopping, having lunch. It had been nice. Then came the Christmas party at Janet's house and Jack's world had turned upside down. Daniel had been charming, witty, entertaining all throughout the evening. Jack had never seen him like that and he'd enjoyed it all at first. Until he realized that he'd followed the man around the entire night, not ever really leaving his side as they made their way through the crowd of people who'd flooded Janet's house. Daniel certainly hadn't seemed to mind, including Jack in all the conversations, asking for him to share particular stories or anecdotes. Whenever Daniel had gone to refill his glass, he'd always brought more for Jack. If he excused himself from the room for a moment, he'd made sure to come right back to Jack's side upon his return.

By the end of the night, the fluttering, nervous feeling in Jack's stomach told him all he needed to know. He had feelings for Daniel that he had no business having, and the constant proximity, conversation and holiday spirit had only combined to drive that thought home. When Daniel left for the evening, Jack was graced with a rare hug and glowing smile from the man that had literally stripped his defenses away and left him standing open and vulnerable. The softly spoken, "I'll see you tomorrow for dinner," had nearly sent Jack into a panic.

Christmas day had been a whirl of visitors, laughter and unyielding tension for Jack. He had been unbearably thankful that he'd turned down Daniel's offer to come by early in the day to help prepare the evening's meal. His hands had been shaking enough as it was at just the prospect of seeing Daniel again. During that afternoon, while the turkey had cooked and his guests had milled happily round his home, Jack had retreated to the safety of his bedroom, closing the door for a moment's privacy. He'd picked up the picture of Sara, Charlie and himself and wondered where that man had gone. He'd never had a gay urge in his life - not even on the battlefield. He'd had offers, God knew that, but he'd never partaken, never wanted to test the waters of his sexuality that way. He'd had Sara and it was all he'd needed.

Then Iraq happened and things had turned bad. His homecoming was stained with the memory of the abuse he'd suffered, his body forever bearing the scars of the torment he'd undergone. Sara had tried to accept, but she couldn't. He'd overheard a conversation one day as Sara had tearfully poured her heart out to someone about the 'mutilation' Jack had undergone and how she was disgusted by even the thought of touching him now. He'd listened in silence as her sob-cracked voice confessed to not understanding how Jack could 'let' those things happen to him and how she loathed herself for feeling that way. Everything had fallen apart from there.

Once Charlie had died, there had nothing left for him. Everything had become cold and grey - lifeless. Until a dervish called Daniel Jackson had whirled into his life and he caused him to see color again. He began to feel warmth again. He had begun to live again. It had scared the life out of him.

Jack's eyes tracked the progress of the recruits up the draw and into the box canyon. He shook his head. "Doesn't anyone know how to read a map?" he barked into the wind and began to make his way along tree line bordering the valley.

His feet crunched along the cold, frost covered stones as he walked. His mind refused to budge from his contemplation of Daniel. The hungry, passionate, consuming fire that was the man had threatened to burn Jack to a cinder on many occasions. The depth of feeling associated with the man was terrifying. Jack knew he could never tell him. Daniel was straight. Hell, for that matter, so was he. Except, of course, when it came to that stubborn set of the jaw, flashing blue eyes, and gentle, shy smile. Jack sighed heavily. He thought again of the rumor mongers back at the base and the fact they had all but printed wedding invitations to his and Carter's nuptials. If they only knew.

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger • Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home • And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin' • Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Daniel flipped through the pages of a large reference book, his tired eyes blurring as he searched for a cryptic reference to a long-forgotten god in Mesopotamian culture. He yanked off his glasses in frustration and tossed them onto the table, rubbing his eyes with the fingertips of his hands. He heard a hiss from outside his window and looked out into the night that surrounded him. Sheets of wind-driven ice and snow blew past one of the street lights and he shivered in response. For the hundredth time that day, his mind drifted to Jack. He hoped he was safe, well, and managing to stay warm. He'd read the weather reports coming in from the MALP that stood guard at the gate - it looked like they were having the same sort of weather there as they were here. However, he knew that the difference in being on an alien world during an ice storm was much worse than being tucked away in the woods of your own world. It was why they sent recruits off-world to train.

Peels of laughter came through the hall and Daniel smiled. His new neighbor was one of the geologists at the base and she'd begun dating Lieutenant Garrett of SG-12. He heard the man's deep baritone voice follow hers in laughter. When there was a knock on the door, Daniel was surprised that anyone would be visiting him at this hour. It was December 23rd and most people were home preparing for the upcoming holiday. Flicking on one of the table lamps, he walked to the door and saw that it was indeed Garrett waiting patiently for him to answer. Daniel opened the door and smiled. "Lieutenant," he said with a smile.

Daniel nodded then closed the door. He leaned there for a minute, sorting through his feelings. He was sorry training had gone so poorly, yet he was very glad to hear that Jack would be home sooner than anticipated. Throwing back the remainder of his drink, Daniel made his way to the kitchen, rinsed the glass, cleaned up from dinner, then tiredly made his way to bed.

He flung back the covers and dropped down into the soft flannel sheets, pulling them up around his chest. He lay quietly, letting images of Jack pass through his mind. He remembered when he'd first met the man and he smiled. Cantankerous didn't come close to describing him. But once Daniel came back from Abydos, he saw the change. The life had come back into Jack's eyes. The first two years on the team, Daniel had been amazed at the difference in the man. Gone was the somber, despondent, suicidal individual he'd first met. In his place was wise cracking, irreverent and fiercely proud man who cared too much, tried to hard and lived life to the fullest. But still there were times, like before this most recent training mission, when the 'old' Jack resurfaced ever so slightly.

Daniel knew full well that Jack understood that one day this life would catch up to all of them. Jack's knees, his back, well the majority of his rough and tumble body, was telling him he was in the twilight of his career. Once his association with the program was over, Daniel wasn't sure what Jack had in mind. Oh, he threatened to move up to Minnesota permanently and live in his cabin, but Daniel knew that would be the death of the man. He bit back a bitter laugh at the constant rumors of Jack and Sam being together. Jack may have affections in that direction, but he wouldn't act on them; and he couldn't picture Jack rolling over and becoming Mr. Sam Carter, which is exactly what would happen if they married.

Daniel rolled over, pulling all the covers and blankets around him tightly. He knew that Jack was walking a path that would leave him lonely and it broke Daniel's heart. Maybe it was time Daniel told Jack how he felt - just throw it out there and let the chips fall where they may. It wouldn't be the first time he risked losing everything on a feeling - he was certain it wouldn't be the last.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time? • The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine • It's hard to tell the night time from the day • You're loosin' all your highs and lows • Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Jack trudged over the cold, wet ground in step to the beat of his heart. He was angry. Angry at the recruits; angry at the instructors who had 'supposedly' prepared them for this duty; angry at himself for running like a coward; angry at Daniel for engendering these feelings; angry at the weather; angry at Sara for rejecting him when he needed her; angry at everything. It was why he was walking alone at the rear of the column. No one wanted to be around him. He didn't want to be around himself. He looked around at the environment they were in and shook his head. Four days ago it had been bright, sunny, the sky an amazing green-blue color and the two moons that circled this world were heavy and bulbous in the sky above them. Now it was all leaden and cold, just like his thoughts. It seemed to him that anger and frustration were all he felt anymore, and he was so damned tired.

It was nearly a full day's march back to the gate and they'd only barely started. Already he heard the grumbles and complaints among the troops. "Hey! A little more walking and a little less talking if you please, airmen!" he snapped. The recruits fell silent again, put their heads down against the wind and pressed on.

'God, I miss him,' Jack thought to himself. 'I'm gonna have to talk to him, tell him about this. Christ, this is going to cost me everything.' Jack felt the sting of the ice particles pick up and he tugged his coat farther up his neck.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? • Come down from your fences, open the gate • It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you • You better let somebody love you, (let somebody love you) you better let somebody love you, before it's too late

Just then the gate began to dial in and Daniel watched as the iris slid closed. "Incoming traveler," came the announcement. Daniel looked toward the computer screen and saw SG-1's IDC flash across the display. He smiled and turned to face the window. "Open the iris," came a voice from behind Daniel. He turned to see a Captain roughly his age monitoring the situation. He nodded briefly then turned back to the gate as it sprang to life.

Jack watched the recruits step carefully through the event horizon. He ached, from head to foot - he was one big pile of pain. The worst of it wasn't something he could sooth with a beer or an aspirin. He closed his eyes before stepping through for home. He just wanted to look into one set of blue eyes that had come to mean home to him. 'Be there, Daniel. Please just be there.'

Daniel watched as Jack stepped through the gate. Like the rest of the men and women who'd come through moments before, he looked cold, tired, frustrated and soaked to the skin. He took a half step forward, eyes trained on the man walking slowly down the ramp. In the background he heard the static of a small radio before the last verse of the Eagles' song, Desperado, began to play. Just then, Jack looked up.

At first Jack couldn't quite believe what he was seeing, but there was no mistaking those piercing blue eyes and warm expression. Jack felt the ice around his heart crack then shatter into a million pieces. He tossed a half salute upward toward his friend then made for the door.

As Daniel went to leave the control room, he stopped and listened to the last line of the song he'd come to associate solely with Colonel Jack O'Neill, a smile spreading across his face. He ran off to catch up with Jack and welcome him home.