Operation Fat Man
And on the 12th Day of Christmas . . . we give you this fic! Feather and I teamed up to bring you the following holiday romp. Set in Season 4, this has team, and fun, and friendship and - of course - Christmas sap! Feather and I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!
"Sir, what you're proposing is . . ."
"Unorthodox."
"I was thinking more along the lines of . . . illegal."
"Oh come on, Carter."
"Sir, we can't break into people's houses to leave presents. Christmas cheer isn't a viable defense in the U.S. court system."
"Hey guys."
"Hi, Daniel."
"What's going on?"
"Carter here's peeing all over my Christmas tree."
"Ah. Would that be the breaking and entering tree?"
"He told you?"
"He told me."
"As he did me."
"Teal'c."
"DanielJackson."
"Is that a black Santa hat?"
"Indeed it is, O'Neill. If we are entering into a clandestine operation, I felt this shade would be best."
"You know, too?"
"I do. Have you come up with an acceptable alternative to O'Neill's plan of home invasion?"
"You make it sound so dirty."
A brief silence followed as the members of SG-1 pulled chairs around in a small circle in Sam's lab.
"I think the core idea is great though," Sam said enthusiastically.
"It's about the kids though, ya know? I don't want the parents to really be in on it."
"How about this?" Daniel ventured, leaning forward onto the work surface. "Airmen don't make much money, and we've got a ton of them here at the base. Let's find out who the ones are with small kids and just drop a hint to them that they should maybe, leave a window or door open Christmas Eve night for some . . . night visitors?"
Jack's grin was mischievous. "Breaking and entering without the . . . breaking and entering. Good plan."
Teal'c and Sam nodded.
"So how do we stage all this?"
"For that, we need someone subtle . . . resourceful . . .sneaky," Jack pondered.
"Siler," came the quiet chorus of voices.
++++
Jack opened the side door to his garage and gawked. "You rob a Toys-R-Us, Carter?"
"Looks like that, doesn't it?" Carter beamed.
"What's the final family count?" came Daniel's voice from behind one of the stacks of brightly wrapped gifts.
"We've got fifty homes to visit in five hours. Griff, Coburn, Pierce, and Reynolds and their teams will be here within the hour. That's five teams, ten houses each. Operation Fat Man begins at 2200 and goes to 0300 Christmas morning. Let's gear up people."
Daniel stepped close to Jack's side. "This isn't a mission, Jack."
"Like hell it isn't, and Daniel . . . what the hell are you wearing?"
Daniel looked down at his outfit. "What?"
"You look like something out of a Bruce Lee movie."
"Christmas Ninja . . . I like it," Daniel said, fastening the black silk bandana around his head.
Jack grabbed his arm as he walked past. "Keep the bandana for later," he whispered.
"Yeah," Daniel smirked, "I figured."
++++
"Target acquired," Jack said into his comm.
"Copy that," came Daniel's calm voice. "We have clear entry."
"Roger. Making drop."
Jack and Teal'c picked up the large sacks of gifts from the back of the truck and ran quietly over the frozen ground to the side door where Daniel and Carter met them. "All clear, sir," Carter reported. "Daniel and I will recon our next target."
Jack nodded and crept inside the door, Teal'c close behind him. Just beyond the kitchen, Jack could see the soft glow of the Christmas tree. He smiled.
++++
"Jack, we have a problem here," said Daniel tightly.
As Teal'c readjusted the load in the bed of the truck, Jack checked his route for their next two houses. "What's wrong?"
"Rottweiler."
Jack snickered. "Bevins forgot to tell us about that apparently."
"We'll keep our distance," Daniel said as he peered through his night-vision goggles. "But we're going to need your special talents."
"Oh?" Jack said with a leer in his voice.
"Just get over here."
"On our way."
++++
Jack and Teal'c pulled up behind Carter's car, headlights turned off for the last hundred or so feet. They climbed out and hunched low, stealthily moving to Daniel and Sam's position. "What's the status?" Jack whispered.
Daniel handed his night-vision goggles to Jack and breathed, "At two o'clock."
Jack swung the goggles in that direction and had to muffle a whistle. Yep, it was a Rott, all right. And a damned big one, too.
Not a problem.
"Here," he said, handing the spy-glasses back to Daniel. "I'll take care of it."
"Be careful."
Jack replied with a snort and stood up, walking quietly toward the fence, murmuring softly. "Shhhh, it's okay big guy."
The dog stood up and moved close to the fence, its lips starting to quiver as a growl built deep in its chest.
Jack dug into his pocket and pulled out a Milk Bone. He took one more step before stretching out his hand. He kept up a continuous, soothing murmur. The dog's ears pricked forward and he cocked his head, listening. "Yeah, that's it," Jack whispered. "We're not here to threaten your family. Got something for you." He took one more step and stopped again. The dog took a step forward and sniffed. "Good boy," Jack said softly, affectionately. The dog relaxed his shoulders and dipped his head, then looked up hopefully, its butt wriggling madly. Jack chuckled in satisfaction.
"The Dog Whisperer strikes again," Daniel's laugh sounded in Jack's ear piece.
Jack walked up to the fence and stuck his hand over, offering the bone. The dog took it gently then dashed off a few feet to consume his treat.
"All clear," Jack said smugly into his comm.
He was smirking when Daniel walked up to him, Teal'c and Sam getting the sacks out of the truck.
"I don't know how you do that," Daniel said, "but you'd better never try it on me."
Jack grinned broadly and patted Daniel's cheek condescendingly. "Daniel, I do it to you all the time."
Daniel snorted in disgust, stuck out his tongue, and said, "Let's make sure you have a way in before Sam and I go to scope out the next stop."
++++
Jack and Teal'c were pulling up to the next target, headlights off, when Jack spotted a police car go through the intersection they'd just gone through, then the bright flash of taillights and a spotlight click on. "Awww crap," he said into the comm. "It's the fuzz." He could practically hear Daniel's eyes roll.
"Jack, what are you? Twelve? We'll just tell them what we're doing."
"We can't!" Jack hissed, turning quickly down an alley. "We have a schedule to keep."
"Sir," Sam said. "Really, I think we should . . "
Jack turned the truck lights on and turned right at the street, continuing on, keeping a sharp eye out for the cruiser. He interrupted her. "Get ready to create a diversion."
"Sir?"
The police cruiser was coming toward them. Jack drove on sedately, but shit, they were driving around at 0130 on Christmas Eve, or Christmas morning, to be exact, and that was bound to look suspicious.
The cruiser made a U-turn and followed them.
"Okay," Jack said into the comm. "We've got a situation here." He ignored Teal'c, who was looking at him with an eyebrow cocked up so high it was almost on the top of his head.
"What's going on?" Daniel asked, his voice laced with amusement.
"We're being followed."
Daniel sniggered into his mic. "What's your twenty?"
"Glenhurst and Eastmeadow."
The cruiser turned his roof lights on, the flashing red flickering over the snowy landscape.
"Okay," Jack said. "We're being pulled over." He pulled to the curb and rolled down his window. The police car pulled up behind and the officer started getting out of his vehicle. Sam drove by, just a little faster than the posted speed limit, Daniel hanging out the window. Just as they passed Daniel waved his arms and yelled, "WOOOHOOOO!" somehow managing to sound drunk off his ass.
The cop got back in his vehicle to follow, leaving Jack and Teal'c by the side of the road. "Fuck, Daniel!" Jack said, trying not to laugh. "Are you trying to get arrested?"
"Sam can lose him," Daniel said calmly, with absolute certainty. "Why don't we go on to the next family and let things calm down around here?"
"Sounds like a plan," Jack said easily, pulling away from the curb. "We'll meet you there."
++++
Jack was handing Teal'c the last large package to place behind the tree when a small gasp of surprise stopped them both cold. Large brown eyes met large brown eyes and then both men turned their heads as one to look into the dimly lit living room.
A small blonde head peeked around the back of a lounge chair, her hair falling in soft, messy waves around a perfect cherubic face.
"Are you Santa?" came the whispered question as the girl's round, blue eyes fixed on Teal'c and his black Santa hat.
"He's an elf," Jack answered quickly. "A very large, very strong . . . elf."
Teal'c turned to Jack and scowled.
"Are all those presents . . . for me?"
"Most of them are," Jack said, moving out from behind the tree and kneeling down so he was level with the child. "Some are for your mom and dad, too."
"Santa brings presents for mommies and daddies?"
"Sure he does," Jack said. "But it has to be a surprise. Can you keep a secret?"
The little girl nodded vigorously.
"Then I guess I can tell you. Your daddy works in the Air Force, and he works very, very hard. Some people he works with wanted to make sure he had presents on Christmas morning. They got a message to Santa, and Santa sent us. This is a top secret mission, so you can't tell anyone you saw us, okay?"
"Okay," breathed the little girl.
"It is very late," Teal'c said in a gentle whisper. "You should be in bed."
"I only got up to go tinkle," the little girl explained.
Jack tried not to smile. "Did you?"
"Not yet," she answered quickly.
"Then you better go do that," Jack said.
"Okay." The girl turned and hurried away.
Jack and Teal'c exchanged a quick glance, placed the final gifts under the tree and left the premises.
"Cover's blown," Jack hissed as he trotted across the yard.
"By who?" Daniel asked.
"Cindy Lou Who. Let's hit the next target."
++++
"Santa One, this is The North Pole."
Jack snickered. "Santa One, go."
"We've had a casualty. We need you to bring an extra pair of pants to Santa Three."
"Pants?"
"Seems we've had a incident involving a cock-a-poo."
"What's their location?" Jack laughed.
"Wal-Mart parking lot on 8th."
"How bad is it?" Daniel asked, the grin evident in his voice.
"Package is safe. Repeat, package is safe."
"Siler, you're having way too much fun with this," Jack said.
"Yes, sir, I sure am."
Several minutes later, Jack pulled his truck up beside the new Explorer parked just at the front corner of the parking lot. Major Coburn rolled down the window and looked boredly at Jack. "Don't even go there, sir."
"A cock-a-poo, Major?" Jack sniggered as he tossed the spare pair of pants to the other man.
"They should have named that little bastard Kujo, not Muffin." Coburn rolled up the window and drove away.
"One more house and we're done kids. Stay sharp."
"How sharp can we be at 2:15 in the morning?" Daniel inquired.
"All for a good cause, Daniel, all for a good cause."
"I'll give you a good cause," Daniel snarled playfully.
++++
Missions complete, all the teams met back at Jack's house, tired but filled with a sense of accomplishment. Jack had some holiday snacks and egg nog ready for the triumphant troops. "Good job everyone!" he said, lifting his glass. "I hope we made some kids very happy today." Siler came in from the garage and got a glass for himself. He sidled up to Jack. "North Pole secure, sir."
"Siler," Jack drawled, taking a sip of his nog. "It's over. Let it go."
"Yes sir," Siler said with a smirky grin, and went off to mingle.
"I'm glad that's done," Daniel said, standing next to Jack. "I'm one tired elf." He took a sip of nog and bit into his chocolate chip cookie.
"You're not done yet," Jack said softly, in a naughty voice.
"Oh really?" Daniel asked, his brow raised.
"Yep," Jack said. "This elf has one more package to deliver." He waggled his eyebrows meaningfully at Daniel then looked around, grinning. "And speaking of packages . . . HEY COBURN!" The Major turned around, looking leery. "How in the hell did that little dog jump that high?"
Coburn managed to look sheepish. "I was caught off guard," he admitted. "It looked cute and little and was wagging its tail, so I squatted down to pet it and it lunged in . . . "
"So much for all that Special Forces training," mocked Reynolds. "Taken out by a cock-a-poo."
Everyone in the room roared with laughter.
++++
Sam and Teal'c were the last to leave. The sun was already coming up. Jack and Daniel staggered into the living room and collapsed side-by-side on the couch. Daniel turned his head and smiled at Jack. "Merry Christmas, Jack."
Jack smiled. "Merry Christmas. Wanna open presents now?" he ask eagerly.
Daniel laughed. "You are such a kid. Okay, but just one. Santa can't come here until we go to sleep."
Jack slithered off the couch and crawled over to the tree. He selected a long, heavy package and looked over at Daniel, looking extremely comfortable sprawled on the couch. "Which one do you want me to open?" Jack asked.
Daniel waved to a small gold-wrapped box. "That one."
Jack sat back down on the couch and handed his gift to Daniel, watching in anticipation as the colorful paper was ripped to shreds.
"Oh wow, Jack," Daniel breathed. "I don't have any of these in my collection." He examined the katana, sliding it out of its sheath with a steely hiss. "I've been wanting one of these."
"I know," Jack said smugly. "You said so nine months ago."
Daniel looked at him in surprise, touched. "You remember that?"
"Yeah," Jack nodded.
"But . . . " Daniel did some quick mental calculations. "We weren't even together then."
Jack shrugged. "I knew we would be."
Daniel smiled. "Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"
"I was sure of that."
Daniel's eyes softened. "It's a wonderful gift. Thank you, Jack."
Jack wasn't sure if it was the relationship or the sword Daniel was talking about, and didn't care. He leaned in and gave Daniel a soft kiss, then leaned back with a grin. "Can I open mine now?"
Daniel laughed and handed him the box. Jack unwrapped it enthusiastically. A long, narrow, velvet black box was inside. He looked at Daniel with a raised eyebrow. "This looks like a box I'd have given Sara. It's not a bracelet or something, is it?"
"No," Daniel laughed. "Open it."
Inside was a business card for Mile Hi Ceramics. Jack looked at Daniel inquiringly.
"All you have to do is call and set up a delivery time," Daniel said. "I know you've broken your share of greenware lugging it to the ceramic store to be fired. I thought you could use your own kiln."
Jack's mouth was hanging open. He didn't know what to say, so he simply leaned over and kissed Daniel.
"Ya know," Jack said when they pulled apart. "It's very late."
"Or early."
"Or early," Jack agreed. "And I know I told you I had one more package to deliver . . ."
"But it's early," Daniel continued.
"Or late," Jack agreed. "How about we get some sleep and finish this after Santa comes?"
"As long as Santa isn't the only one who gets to come today," Daniel said, trying to leer and messing it up by yawning. He chuckled. "Sounds like a good idea."
Jack got up and reached a hand to pull Daniel up as well. "Let's go."
++++
"Daaaaanieeeel," Jack sing songed softly.
"Umph," came the muffled response.
"Daniel, I want my present," Jack whispered.
Through Daniel's sleep addled brain, the slow curl of pleasure began to wind its way along his spine. He spread his legs further and ground his hips down into the mattress. Jack had him pinned down from behind, slowly running his cock along the warm cleft of Daniel's ass. "Have you been naughty . . . or nice?"
"Nice and naughty," Jack purred. He reached under the pillow and palmed the lube stashed there. "And I've been told that me being naughty is very, very nice."
"You must be catching Santa on a good day because he usually doesn't bottom in the morning without at least three cups of coffee."
Jack smiled into Daniel's neck. "Not even for this?" Pushing the mushroom head of his dick against Daniel's perineum, he exerted just the right pressure in just the right spot, gave a few slow circles and chuckled in triumph as Daniel groaned into the pillow.
"Keep that up and Santa's gonna come early."
"From my experience, Santa's always right on time."
"No prelims," Daniel breathed. "Let's just get right to the good stuff."
Jack quickly prepped Daniel then fit himself in close, pushing slowly inside, giving Daniel a chance to relax and let him in. "Always so tight and hot," Jack whispered.
"Jesus," Daniel hissed. "How can you always feel so good every damned time you slide in there?" He lifted his hips slightly to bring Jack in closer. "Don't drag this out."
"Want it fast?"
"We can do the snuggly Christmas thing later," Daniel breathed happily. "Right now, I just want you to fuck me."
"So we're taking the naughty option then?" Jack teased as he sped up his hips.
"Oh hell yeah," Daniel snorted just before the moaning began in earnest.
++++
Jack sat back on the couch, watching as Daniel rooted around under the tree, trying to get to the large gold-wrapped box in the back. "You're worse than a kid."
"This coming from *you*?" Daniel said as he wriggled a bit further under the tree.
"Not complaining about the scenery though," Jack said, sipping his coffee and admiring Daniel's cotton-covered ass.
"I'm sure," Daniel grunted as he finally snagged the present. "Why do you have to put the big ones in the back?"
Jack's silence spoke volumes.
"I didn't mean . . . you are one dirty-minded old fart," Daniel laughed. As he regained his place on the floor, surrounded by gifts and holiday bags, he smiled up at Jack. "It's good to be here, Jack. Thank you."
"Wouldn't want you anywhere else, Daniel," Jack said.
Daniel tore open the large box he'd struggled so valiantly with, lifting the lid slowly before looking inside. "You didn't."
Jack merely smiled.
"I can't believe you did this!"
"What, you can't see Thor covered in fur?" Jack asked, pulling one fuzzy slipper from the box, twirling it casually around on the tip of his finger, the large dark eyes and almond shaped head of the alien making a blur in the living room light.
"That is so severely disturbing," Daniel replied.
Both Daniel and Jack began to laugh.
"Jack, you are one crazy bastard."
"But you love me anyway," Jack grinned.
"Yeah, I do. I most certainly do."
~finis~
